A Weasle walks into a bar the bartender says “Wow I’ve never served a weasle before, what can I get you?” “Pop”, goes the weasle.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?” The bartender says, “Sorry. We don’t serve viruses here. ” Corona replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!” A time traveler walks into a bar.
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about making a horrible sound. The bartender says “Hey, looks like he can’t play that!”, and the octopus says, “Play it? As soon as I get it’s pajamas off, I’m gonna f@ck it!”
A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down" The man says “I just found out my Niece is gay.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women? " The man says “My wife does.”
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, “After this last drink, I’m going to the roof to kill myself.” A guy sitting next to him says, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”, in which the man replies, “Oh yeah?” So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says “You’re not gonna die, watch this!” He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says “Cool, let me try!”, and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says “Superman, you’re an asshole.”
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road."
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: “you mathematicians don’t know your limits.”
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head, the bartender asks him nervously “are you okay” the blind man replies “yeah I’m just looking around”
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer, the bartender says no. The midget asks why, the bartender says “You’re a little drunk”
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a “get well soon” card with each one of them!
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. The bartender asks, "Don’t you mean Martini?" Julius Caesar says, “No, I only want one.”
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies. The bartender shakes his head, and says. "Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk superman.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “how much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “for you? No charge!”
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