A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to
3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me”
“Hot water? ” “I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”
All of a guys son’s came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar. The bartender asks “Do u have anyone in ur family who likes women?” The man said “My wife does!”
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. he says to the bartender “I have a deal, if i can hold my dick in the alligators mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink” and so the bartender agreed. the man, like he said, had his dick in the alligators mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. he made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. he did it and drank his drinks. then he said to the amazed crowd, “would anyone like to volunteer?” one man raised his hand. he walked up to the man with the alligator and said, “just a warning, i don’t think i can hold my mouth open that long.”
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him “Hey man What the hell you doing? ”. Blind guy says “Just looking around”
Little johnny is a trucker, he stops at a bar. johnny sees a sign that says hamburgers for two dollers, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars. he walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, “are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?” she replies “yes, thats me” johnny says “well can you wash your hands because i want a cheeseburger”
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus,the bartender says "Don’t you mean a Martini?"the Roman then says "Look,if I want a double I’ll ask for one.
Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says " Follow me. " The man walks into the bar and the bartender says “Jesus Christ your back!”
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me
Other jokes:
Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.
What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?
How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!
How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.
What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks “where’d you get that lovely thing?” “Africa” the parrot replied.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?”
The bartender says, “Sorry. We don’t serve viruses here. ” Corona replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
Corona replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
A blond a bernet and a red head walked into a bar the bartender told them their was a magic merror in the bathroom.He said that if you spoke the truth infront of the merror you would have your greatest desires but if you told a lie you would disappear.The red head sais that she was the pretiest girl in the bar and she walked out the bathroom and she got athusand dollars.The berrnet walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar she walked out the ber with a new car. The bland went she said I think poof she was gone
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
A mushroom walked into a pub. He asked the bartender to give him a beer. The bartender said, "I can’t, you’ll get too rowdy. " The mushroom then said, “Oh come on! When I drink, I’m a fun guy!”
A nucleus walked into a bar, he asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
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