Bar jokes

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”

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A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30 storey building and order a drink of beer, then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly so he says to his mate “Gary, take a sip of this drink it makes you fly!” so Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window and dies, and the bartender says “gee, superman your a doosh when you drink”

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A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.

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a horse walks in a bar. the bartender said why the long face

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A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”

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A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells who the f@ck f@cked my wife. The bartender answers “Mate you ain’t got enough bullets.”

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man drinks beer jumps off a tower and he’s okay the other guy says Whoa how’d you do that.he does it again so the guy gets a beer the same beer and jumps off he died.the bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says Superman you’re a real butthole whenever you’re drunk

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A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”

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A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, “just shut up and swallow”

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Guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells:who the f@ck f@cked my wife. Everybody silent for a second then the bartender said:mate you ain’t got enough bullets

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%% %%A man with a mullet walks into a bar The bartender says “The party’s in the back”

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All of a guys son’s came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar. The bartender asks “Do u have anyone in ur family who likes women?” The man said “My wife does!”

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A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks “where’d you get that lovely thing?” “Africa” the parrot replied.

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A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him “Hey man What the hell you doing? ”. Blind guy says “Just looking around”

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A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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