Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late? His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her “why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?” His mother replies “to make myself beautiful Johnny.” A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her “What is the matter? Are you giving up?”
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane. The German sticks his hand out and says “We are in Germany.” The others ask, “How do you know,” the German says, “Because it’s so cold.” Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says “We are in Australia,” the others ask “How do you know,” he replies “Because it’s so warm.” Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico, " the others ask “How do you know,” he says " Because my watch is gone"
Why did sallys pizza get cold, because she has no arms.
-Dude, What is your favorite rapper? -He is very cold blooded -Why? -He is Ice Cube
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other “I’m cold. Are you cold?” The other cow says “Yeah I’m Fresian”.
when is a cold not a cold?
Yoo mama so stupid she tried to stop the cold war with a heater
What did Sushi ‘A’ say to Sushi ‘B’? -Wassaaaa…B
If you ever get cold just go to a corner because they usually 90 degrees.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice i called it cold hard cash
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good because my wife’s a fat cold bitch.
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold lake Campground and he jumped into it, without any warning, and so I asked him Wat-er you doing
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they’re happy. They tell him, “Well, we’re so sick of the cold where we’re from, and this place is nice and toasty.” Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell’s boiler room, where he turns up the temperature. He goes back to the Canadians’ room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they’re doing. “Well, we can’t pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!” Satan realizes he’s been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it’s at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth. He knows he’s won now, so he goes back to the Canadians’ room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement. He shouts at them in fury, “WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!” They look at him and shout at the same time, “Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won! ” Why do hospitals have fans? To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
Ice cold coffee? Coll beans!
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