Computer jokes

Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

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If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows. It would have had doors but why was it ever spelt DOS

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Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “dos, 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10.”

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Why can’t Orphans have a computer? They don’t have a home page.

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Your Momma’s so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.

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When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found steam on his computer this means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.

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Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”

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One apple a day keeps the doctor away, not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.

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Why are elephants scared of computers? Because of the mouse. I’d make a joke about epilepsy but the computer started flashing

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