Computer jokes

Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

-2

-1

* * *

My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a pdf file!!

-2

-1

Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend? A: He gave her a ring. Q: What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery? A: Knead for Speed. Q: Why is Santa good at karate? A: He has a black belt. Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts? A: Beast Buy. Q: What did the snowflake say to the road? A: Let’s stick together. Q: Why did the turkey

See more... (about 2 min.reading)

join a band? A: So he could use his drumsticks. Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport? A: Figure skating. Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts? A: Beast Buy. Q: What did the snowflake say to the road? A: Let’s stick together. Q: Why did the turkey join a band? A: So he could use his drumsticks. Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport? A: Figure skating. Q: What’s a firefly’s favorite dance? A: The glitterbug. Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other? A: Because they always make-up via GIPHY Q: Where do roses sleep at night? A: In their flowerbed Q: Why was the show bad at gymnastics? A: She was a flip-flop Q: What should you wear to a tea party? A: A t-shirt Q: What’s rain’s favorite accessory? A: A rainbow Q: Where does a sink go dancing? A: The Dish-co Q: What’s a princess’s favorite time? A: Knight time. Q: Why did the Genie get mad? A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way. Q: What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread? A: A bun. Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at? A: Hip hop. Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall? A: Shop ‘til they hop. via GIPHY Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test? A: She nailed it. Q: What is corn’s favorite music? A: Pop. Q: Why can’t Monday lift Saturday? A: It’s a weak day. Q: Why was the politician out of breath? A: He was running for office. Q: What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element? A: Goooooooooooold! Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school? A: He was a cheetah. Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes? A: Pennsylvania. Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving? A: Inside. Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear? A: He forgot his lawsuit. Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license? A: He crashed the computer via GIPHY Q: What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch? A: An eyeball. Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have? A: Shells. Q: What time of year do people get injured the most? A: In the fall. Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes? A: Because he knew he would pass. Q: Why did the musician throw away her table? A: Because it was flat. Q: Why didn’t the farmer’s son study medicine? A: Because he wanted to go into a different field? Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert? A: Pi Q: Why was the princess in the emergency r

-2

-1

* * *

I started a band called 999 megabytes… we still haven’t gotten a gig

-2

-1

* * *

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

-2

-1

* * *

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime? I think they just hacked the chrime

-2

-1

* * *

Why are elephants scared of computers? Because of the mouse. I’d make a joke about epilepsy but the computer started flashing

-2

-1

* * *

How did the computer get out of the house? He used windows.

-2

-1

What was the computer’s best pickup line? Nice bits

-2

-1

* * *

Why is Steven Hawkins arrested? The police used computer GPS

-2

-1

* * *

my mom is telling me get off friday night funkin or she will slam my head aginst the keybore weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43

-2

-1

* * *

get off your computer jessie jex

-2

-1

* * *

Why is the iPhone 7 not a smart phone? It doesn’t know jack.

-2

-1

* * *

When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found steam on his computer this means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.

-2

-1

* * *

One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb." The other computer replied, “Because I have low memory.”

-2

-1

* * *

- up -

N E X T!

random