Dark Humor

my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen. no witnessess

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What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

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Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

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To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now

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I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply

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my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car

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A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid Man: Hang in there! Im gonna get some help! Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said

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What was Steven Hawking’s last words? ERROR 101

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I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

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I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder

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What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

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Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry

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Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."

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Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”

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