I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife
why don’t emos live alone?they like to hang with their freinds.
Why did potassium draw a tear that would consult in him crying? Because all of his friends argon
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
i will never forget my little brothers last word rip. his last words: paint dosent taste good
What does an emo do on Halloween, they hang like a decoration
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
RUS | ENG
