Dark Humor

Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob

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What do you call a prostitute with no arm or legs Cash and carry

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why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.

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There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

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I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"

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What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.

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The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

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what is the simularite with a sloth and a depresed kid they both hang from trees

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A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”

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“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

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Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan

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what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat