What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”
Why were the cherries ?? crying? Because their parents were in a jam.
why do emos like circles because they can hang out with them
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree? It left him hanging
whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of
What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
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