Dark Humor

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the f@ck was that noise?’ What where Stephens last words “battery low”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

a depressed kid tried to give a tree high-five but the tree left him hanging People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026