What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street Man in Wheelchair: * falls out of wheelchair* Friend: Are you okay? Man in Wheelchair: I can’t feel my legs
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
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