a boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad? He doesn’t have legs
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”
Why Couldn’t the Japanese man give a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
What does PEMDAS stand for? Please End My Depression And Suffering
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
My friends: ugh why are you so lazy and no fun My parents: why can’t u be like ur siblings My teacher: I don’t care if ur depressed focus on ur study! The songs: we understand you :)
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)
Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!
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