A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”
Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too. By:Xzavier
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
What do you call a cow with two legs Answer: Your mom
Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan
I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of
i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son, Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day.??
Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
RUS | ENG
