“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends Argon.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt
What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach
I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder
What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner.
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