Dark Humor

I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder

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what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’

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Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing

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There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

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i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.

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why does a leaf fall faster thanan emo kid because the emo hang itself

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I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”

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after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”

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Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.

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whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights they are both going to be hanging from a tree

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I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply

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according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black

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What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry

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Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

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