My life Tell me when you get it
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.
I will never forget my grandpa’s last words: Alahu-Akbar i will remember my aunties last word: if you shoot me you pen-s is small (gun shot)
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
I’ll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
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