“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree? It left him hanging
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind Knock knock Who’s there? Not sally
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
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