What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park. What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker? Hop in!
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who they gonna cry too? their parents?
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.
I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen. no witnessess
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy
what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
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