Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
Being sad is my only happiness
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging
What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
RUS | ENG
