I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.
You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
This whole page is pure trash. f@ck all of you.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
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