My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.
My life Tell me when you get it
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”
What does an emo do on Halloween, they hang like a decoration
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
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