what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees
Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue
What do you call a cow with two legs Answer: Your mom
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…
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