I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
My sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife
“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
You tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first?
The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van?
Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore.
Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.
Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan
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