When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree
You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
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