Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree? A: It left him/her/them hanging
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. knock knock Who’s there! Not Sarah.
whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”
Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
My life Tell me when you get it
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!
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