Dark Humor

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

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My sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

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I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife

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“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?

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Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck

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Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

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If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.

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Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van?

Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.

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Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore.

Person: why’d you stop?

Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

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