what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends Argon.
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet
whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five… …but it left him hanging.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
Yes I’m CUTE C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty
I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
I wish i could be as visible as my depression is. My future is so bright, i need a flashlight to see where i’m going
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?.. He has no legs…
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the f@ck was that noise?’ What where Stephens last words “battery low”
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