Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
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