I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.
What does PEMDAS stand for? Please End My Depression And Suffering
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.” So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.” When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?” The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…” i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five… …but it left him hanging.
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
what is the simularite with a sloth and a depresed kid they both hang from trees
what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.
I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
RUS | ENG
