Dark Humor

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.

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What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.

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When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!

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I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat

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I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

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Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.

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What do you call a cow with two legs Answer: Your mom

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Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number

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To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”

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My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

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Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

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My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”

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