I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
If you watch " jaws" backward it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who giving arms and legs to disable people
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
I don"t think I’m allergic to this
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him. There was a crying pandemic going around.
Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…
The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up ??.
a boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad? He doesn’t have legs
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