Dark Humor

what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

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Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.

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What was Steven Hawking’s last words? The windows xp log out sound

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What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

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If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

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people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

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A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”

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My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

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You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

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I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control

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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.

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Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”

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