If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
I don’t see why people say that emo kid doesn’t like to hangout I seen them hanging all day.
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
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