my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…
Any game: Are you a boy or a girl? Non-binary people: cries
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs
My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose
I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
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