Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob
did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
knock knock who’s there? Depression medicine and therapy GO AWAY!
“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?
I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control
Snow everywhere, it’s Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words : Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder
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