My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Are you depression "cause you’re always on my mind~ 1273 depression got the best of me, i’m gonna cry in my room now
What was Steven Hawking’s last words? ERROR 101
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
Gambler A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.” "Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet." The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man. ” “I am. But the steaks are too high.”
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
My grandad broke his legs. To cheer him up i bought him a walkman
I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live
I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
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