I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!
I will never forget my grandpa’s last words: Alahu-Akbar i will remember my aunties last word: if you shoot me you pen-s is small (gun shot)
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
i will never forget my mother and fathers last words WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE
what is the simularite with a sloth and a depresed kid they both hang from trees
RUS | ENG
