Dark Humor

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

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What does PEMDAS stand for? Please End My Depression And Suffering

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what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

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A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”

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Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

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i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.

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My grandad broke his legs. To cheer him up i bought him a walkman

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my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!

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