Dark Humor

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed

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When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: ??. My depression: remeber that one tim… Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we… Me: nope. My deprssion: says really fast:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: ??????. My depression: ?? dont worry I’ll always be here for you.

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Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.

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I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

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The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five… …but it left him hanging.

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“Hold my beer, watch this.”

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The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

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The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.

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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel

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Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

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What’s under the bottom? Your legs.

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yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry

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