Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up ??.
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
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