Dark Humor

Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”

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You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.

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I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”

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A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

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I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?

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Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore

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What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!

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