Dark Humor

My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.

Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were

I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car

What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.

What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”

The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging

What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”

Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”