Dark Humor

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

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If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.

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Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????

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Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

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Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead

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I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!

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I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning

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I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

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Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.

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why does a leaf fall faster thanan emo kid because the emo hang itself

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what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat

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What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

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There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. knock knock Who’s there! Not Sarah.

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