Dark Humor

Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.

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I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose

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Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle

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Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

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I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife

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When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

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When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it’s a pinata… BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!

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If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo

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I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”

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I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control

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knock knock whos their boo boo who well you dont have to cry about it gary

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

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I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.

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