one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
knock knock who’s there? Depression medicine and therapy GO AWAY!
life’s too short to want it.
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose
Why is a orphan crying about its family? Because it cant “let it go”
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.’’ “I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then…good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ‘‘OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!’’
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig she started crying
Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
My life Tell me when you get it
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