What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging
I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
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