What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed. The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!” As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!
you tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder
I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging
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