I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’
you tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
knock knock whos their boo boo who well you dont have to cry about it gary
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree? A: It left him/her/them hanging
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”
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