Dark Humor

Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind

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Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”

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my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar

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You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

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What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker Hop In

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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words : Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder

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What was Steven Hawking’s last words? ERROR 101

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The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt

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Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”

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Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

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When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree

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Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing

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