Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”
The depressed kid went to high five the tree… but the tree left them hanging… Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.
What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
I don"t think I’m allergic to this
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
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