Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind Knock knock Who’s there? Not sally
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????
I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”
why do emos like circles because they can hang out with them
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
RUS | ENG
