Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself
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