Dark Humor

There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run

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my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar

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I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

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What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

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why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk

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A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”

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Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!

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Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”

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Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-

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You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…

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When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage

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What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

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Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore

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What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…

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