I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.
Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach
Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
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