I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions
Onions was a good dog
I don"t think I’m allergic to this
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
My grandma just died from cancer
My last words to her were “I like your cut g”
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five
It left him hanging
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?
LEAN BEEF!
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it’s a pinata… BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.
What do you call a dog with no legs…
My asian neighbors dinner.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?
Me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
RUS | ENG
