Dark Humor

What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.

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I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live

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i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon

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why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!

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Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

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Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies

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When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

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What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.

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Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

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Are you depression "cause you’re always on my mind~ 1273 depression got the best of me, i’m gonna cry in my room now

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i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.

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So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

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