Dark Humor

I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”

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If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

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What do you call a cow with two legs Answer: Your mom

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You use your legs as support you count on your fingers

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If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

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why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!

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my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??

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I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated

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Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."

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Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush

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whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of

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