I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
Why are washers better than babies? Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.
I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
I wish i could be as visible as my depression is. My future is so bright, i need a flashlight to see where i’m going
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs
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