Dark Humor

Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”

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if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black

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Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

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A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”

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Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

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