Dark Humor

people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

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You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.

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im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.

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Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.

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What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree? It left him hanging

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where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

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What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.

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Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

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I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.

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Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

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