Dark Humor

i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig she started crying

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Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."

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Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”

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Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan

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I wish i could be as visible as my depression is. My future is so bright, i need a flashlight to see where i’m going

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I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.

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whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights they are both going to be hanging from a tree

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Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind

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Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead

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A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?.. He has no legs…

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

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Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

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Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!

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