I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt
The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
RUS | ENG
