Dark Humor

I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who they gonna cry too? their parents?

-2 -1 0 +1 +2


Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner. 

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2


-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *


© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026