If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??
whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. knock knock Who’s there! Not Sarah.
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
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