Dark Humor

I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning

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This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

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so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?

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What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree? It left him hanging

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There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.

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What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

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What’s the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * … A FLATLINE!

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I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.

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whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.

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if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.

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Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-

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Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

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my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

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