Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
a depressed kid tried to give a tree high-five but the tree left him hanging People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees
You use your legs as support you count on your fingers
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet
Being sad is my only happiness
Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
RUS | ENG
