If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?
I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself
Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!
You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs
I will always remember my baby sisters last words.“What is the fire for?”.
Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
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