Dark Humor

There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too. By:Xzavier

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Hold my beer, watch this.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner. 

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026