I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
You use your legs as support you count on your fingers
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black
What has 4 wheels 2 legs and loves his shoulder Stephen hawking
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree? dont leave me hanging
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