I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed. The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!” As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.
What has 4 wheels 2 legs and loves his shoulder Stephen hawking
what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees
Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.
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