To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”
You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’
Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!
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