Dark Humor

What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat

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911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees

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i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

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I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live

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Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.

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knock knock whos their boo boo who well you dont have to cry about it gary

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Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore

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When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage

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Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

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Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

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I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!

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What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn’t need a rope to hang

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I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

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I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.

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I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself

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