Dark Humor

If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

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i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage

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I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging

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I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”

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What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them

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What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??

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whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.

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Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves

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A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”

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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. knock knock Who’s there! Not Sarah.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

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what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat

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