Dark Humor

whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of

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What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

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what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

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i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage

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A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…

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my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

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“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”

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Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.

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