3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
I saw a kid crying and i asked him where his parents were… Man i love working at a Orphanige
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
RUS | ENG
