So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose
Can some hot depressed suicidal guh give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die…
What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.
I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”
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