Dark Humor

my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??

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I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”

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What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)

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It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.

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Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”

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What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

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Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

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A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree

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i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression

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Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

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I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

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I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.

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