Dark Humor

Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?

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The Orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home

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I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg

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Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry

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I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.

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I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”

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This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

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What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…

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I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”

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When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it’s a pinata… BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!

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i will never forget my mother and fathers last words WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE

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What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging

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if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that’s self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that’s acting. it isn’t any of those if it’s suicide.

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