“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
What do you call a cow with two legs Answer: Your mom
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime
my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
Any game: Are you a boy or a girl? Non-binary people: cries
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog
What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?.. He has no legs…
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