Dark Humor

What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry

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What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.

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What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them

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The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

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A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”

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Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline

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What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker Hop In

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What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.

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A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”

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I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live

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Depression is like therapy the more you see it the more you get used to it

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A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”

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Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue

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What’s a depressed kids favorite holiday… Christmas because everything is hanging

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Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

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