what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
How do you make a builder cry? Kill his family
I don"t think I’m allergic to this
Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. knock knock Who’s there! Not Sarah.
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
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