Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common? Both eight legs
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black
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