A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt
i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage
I saw a kid crying and i asked him where his parents were… Man i love working at a Orphanige
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
(Just a joke) when Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said " It’ll get better just walk it off."
Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”
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