How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
why do emos like circles because they can hang out with them
I’ll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)
according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black
What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging
“I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.” -Charlie Chaplin
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
All my jokes are cys for help INCLUDING THIS ONE
I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”
(Just a joke) when Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said " It’ll get better just walk it off."
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