Dark Humor

I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”

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I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!

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so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?

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one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room

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3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"

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Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: ??. My depression: remeber that one tim… Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we… Me: nope. My deprssion: says really fast:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: ??????. My depression: ?? dont worry I’ll always be here for you.

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What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging

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Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk

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are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.

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I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”

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I still remember my dad’s last words "don’t worry son, Allah will be pleased"

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what was my great grandpas last words SHIT MG42!!!

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What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

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