Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.
I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
Why are washers better than babies? Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan
I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”
people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals i hanging out eat lunch, which is a clown you see, cause there cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal "Does this taste funny to you?
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
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