Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.” So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.” When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?” The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…” i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”
What’s a depressed kids favorite holiday… Christmas because everything is hanging
I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside
did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
I don"t think I’m allergic to this
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