I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
(Just a joke) when Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said " It’ll get better just walk it off."
Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the f@ck was that noise?’ What where Stephens last words “battery low”
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
What’s under the bottom? Your legs.
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
RUS | ENG
