Dark Humor

Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.

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What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.

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You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…

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I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

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why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.

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why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!

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A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”

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You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

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i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.

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“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”

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what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree

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A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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I don"t think I’m allergic to this

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I wish i could be as visible as my depression is. My future is so bright, i need a flashlight to see where i’m going

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