What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging them selves I guess they lost Hangman
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
I still remember my dad’s last words "don’t worry son, Allah will be pleased"
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
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