Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose
Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”
What has 4 wheels 2 legs and loves his shoulder Stephen hawking
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy
When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five… …but it left him hanging.
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
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