Dark Humor

The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up ??.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig she started crying

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

why arent emos n trees friends? cus the tree leaves them hanging

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026