Dark Humor

I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”

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Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too. By:Xzavier

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Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried

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I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed

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What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)

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A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

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people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”

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Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)

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what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

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what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

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I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone

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What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure

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What’s under the bottom? Your legs.

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