I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him. There was a crying pandemic going around.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree? dont leave me hanging
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed. The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!” As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…
why did the depressed person cross the road. to get ran over.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
i will never forget my little brothers last word rip. his last words: paint dosent taste good
what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner.
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