Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
why do emos like circles because they can hang out with them
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.
I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife
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