Dark Humor

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

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What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

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If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.

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My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks

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Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker Hop In

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!

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i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu

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I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning

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Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire

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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy

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i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression

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