My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”
Q:What did one koala say to the other? A:Hows it hanging.??
Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree? dont leave me hanging
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.
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