Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it’s a pinata… BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
Why Couldn’t the Japanese man give a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage
What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
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