I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
The Orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside
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