How do you make a builder cry? Kill his family
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi
Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire
did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”
Denki- hey mineta i have a joke Mineta- …go on… Denki- Ochakos booty Mineta- i dont get it? Denki- exactly Mineta- cries T_T
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging
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