Dark Humor

Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son, Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day.??

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I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

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When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????

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Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

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Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies

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Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue

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I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!

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why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.

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Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.

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friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet

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Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

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Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

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If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.

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people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

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Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?

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