after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
What was Steven Hawking’s last words? ERROR 101
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging
Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
(Just a joke) when Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said " It’ll get better just walk it off."
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn’t need a rope to hang
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
RUS | ENG
