Dark Humor

What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball

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What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

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3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"

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I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

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Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck

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Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries

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All my jokes are cys for help INCLUDING THIS ONE

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Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall

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what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat

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I will never forget my grandpa’s last words: Alahu-Akbar i will remember my aunties last word: if you shoot me you pen-s is small (gun shot)

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…

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Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke

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what was my great grandpas last words SHIT MG42!!!

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I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated

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(Just a joke) when Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said " It’ll get better just walk it off."

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