Dark Humor

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

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I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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why arent emos n trees friends? cus the tree leaves them hanging

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grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words : Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder

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I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.

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what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging

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What does a cannibal and a spider have in common? Both eight legs

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Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw

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Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”

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So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…

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What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

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I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”

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Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)

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