Dark Humor

Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too. By:Xzavier

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**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

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I’ll Never Forget My Grandfathers Last Words “STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!”

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I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live

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a mom cows last words were to the mom cows son they were you are then died the son though that he was adopted but then 3 years later the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say you were adorable then she died once more then 2 years later she rose from htm title=' her son and that’s why we adopted you.'>the dead for the last time to say to her son and that’s why we adopted you.

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There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run

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I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”

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Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.

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What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

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Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up

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The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

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Why were the cherries ?? crying? Because their parents were in a jam.

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.

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What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.

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