My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
you tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder
Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.
Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the f@ck was that noise?’ What where Stephens last words “battery low”
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
what game does an emo love hang man
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)
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