I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.
I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”
Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
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