people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
Being sad is my only happiness
I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’
Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends Argon.
What do you call a cow with two legs Answer: Your mom
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”
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