I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
Why is a orphan crying about its family? Because it cant “let it go”
i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
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