i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid? A: Wanna hang out?
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed. The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!” As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle
What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog.
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