Dark Humor

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt

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Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…

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I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!

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what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging

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When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????

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What’s the difference between a coat hangerband an emo? Nothing that both hang

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Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries

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what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’

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why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!

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I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

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Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”

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I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)

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