Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry
What do you call a cow with two legs Answer: Your mom
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.
What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan
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