Dark Humor

The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

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A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”

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i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig she started crying

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How do you make a builder cry? Kill his family

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what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging

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Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

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Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.

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Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”

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I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.

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There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. knock knock Who’s there! Not Sarah.

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A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

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Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!

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What does PEMDAS stand for? Please End My Depression And Suffering

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Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

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My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

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