I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”
I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
Why did potassium draw a tear that would consult in him crying? Because all of his friends argon
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
RUS | ENG
