Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up ??.
If you watch " jaws" backward it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who giving arms and legs to disable people
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
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