A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words : Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder
a boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad? He doesn’t have legs
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire
What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
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