When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Depression is like therapy the more you see it the more you get used to it
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words : Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.
Can some hot depressed suicidal guh give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die…
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
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