Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
i will never forget my mother and fathers last words WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE
a mom cows last words were to the mom cows son they were you are then died the son though that he was adopted but then 3 years later the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say you were adorable then she died once more then 2 years later she rose from htm title=' her son and that’s why we adopted you.'>the dead for the last time to say to her son and that’s why we adopted you.
My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.
Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black
i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.
I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”
Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.
I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt
The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
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