Dark Humor

I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”

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The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up ??.

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I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.

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A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

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why does a leaf fall faster thanan emo kid because the emo hang itself

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Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

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My grandad broke his legs. To cheer him up i bought him a walkman

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I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

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where to people with no legs go to have fun? legno land

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My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

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Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck

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what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree

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I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife

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Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach

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knock knock whos their boo boo who well you dont have to cry about it gary

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