A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
Depression is like therapy the more you see it the more you get used to it
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner.
Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.
I’ll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
RUS | ENG
