Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy
My grandad broke his legs. To cheer him up i bought him a walkman
An Emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five… the tree left her hanging
I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
What does an emo do on Halloween, they hang like a decoration
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.
What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”
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