Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.
What’s the difference between a coat hangerband an emo? Nothing that both hang
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”
I will never forget my grandpa’s last words: Alahu-Akbar i will remember my aunties last word: if you shoot me you pen-s is small (gun shot)
why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. knock knock Who’s there! Not Sarah.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry
RUS | ENG
