I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
What do you call a prostitute with no arm or legs Cash and carry
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig she started crying
Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
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