To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
Why was I stress eating on the train track? To wait to get hit.
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
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