Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog
The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry
Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”
I saw a kid crying and i asked him where his parents were… Man i love working at a Orphanige
I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside
why did the depressed person cross the road. to get ran over.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
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