My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”
i will never forget my little brothers last word rip. his last words: paint dosent taste good
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights they are both going to be hanging from a tree
What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
Everything dissapers in the Bermuda triangle Except my depression Dark jokes are like water some people just don’t get it
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
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