Dark Humor

what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree

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What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!

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I don"t think I’m allergic to this

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Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”

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What’s under the bottom? Your legs.

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If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

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Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!

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did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?

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I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder

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I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”

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I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

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My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

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Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

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Why are washers better than babies? Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.

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