Dark Humor

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

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I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt

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I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife

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Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

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I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone

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Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”

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Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.

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You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.

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I will remember my biker buddies last words ?Why did you cut in front of me?.

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What’s under the bottom? Your legs.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel

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Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried

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3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"

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