Dark Humor

Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…

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(Just a joke) when Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said " It’ll get better just walk it off."

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what was my great grandpas last words SHIT MG42!!!

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A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”

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i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.

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Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends Argon.

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat

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I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself

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What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park. What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker? Hop in!

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Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

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Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke

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Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob

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