Dark Humor

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

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if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that’s self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that’s acting. it isn’t any of those if it’s suicide.

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Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.

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I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

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my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen. no witnessess

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“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?

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i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage

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Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.

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i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

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I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.

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I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed

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What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

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They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry

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So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging them selves I guess they lost Hangman

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel

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