I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.
“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.
Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
RUS | ENG
