A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??
The depressed kid went to high five the tree… but the tree left them hanging… Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
Why did potassium draw a tear that would consult in him crying? Because all of his friends argon
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)
Why is a orphan crying about its family? Because it cant “let it go”
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
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