Dark Humor

my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car

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I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself

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I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt

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I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city

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what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later

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You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

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What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

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Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.

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if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that’s self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that’s acting. it isn’t any of those if it’s suicide.

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I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder

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Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)

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Why are washers better than babies? Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.

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Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried

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