The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”
Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
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