Dark Humor

I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!

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To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”

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I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

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my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??

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My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.

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A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”

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I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.

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Can some hot depressed suicidal guh give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die…

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knock knock who’s there? Depression medicine and therapy GO AWAY!

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I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"

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I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”

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Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”

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If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.

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Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

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Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore

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