“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”
Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…
Why was I stress eating on the train track? To wait to get hit.
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
How do you make a builder cry? Kill his family
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????
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