Dark Humor

It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.

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Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.

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I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog

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my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car

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Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

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Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

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Why didnt Logan Paul high five the asain man…because he loves to leave asains hanging

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I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage

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why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists

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There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run

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What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

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