I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose
did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry
Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
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