A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who they gonna cry too? their parents?
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
What does an emo do on Halloween, they hang like a decoration
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
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