The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up ??.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.
yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid? A: Wanna hang out?
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
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