I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”
What do you call a prostitute with no arm or legs Cash and carry
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
What’s the difference between a coat hangerband an emo? Nothing that both hang
Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob
i got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging
What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola
Why were the cherries ?? crying? Because their parents were in a jam.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.
Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
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