Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
knock knock whos their boo boo who well you dont have to cry about it gary
What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
why arent emos n trees friends? cus the tree leaves them hanging
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
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