Dark Humor

I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply

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Any game: Are you a boy or a girl? Non-binary people: cries

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I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

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I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

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Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

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Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car

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Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”

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I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"

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What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

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I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”

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friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet

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Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…

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I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.

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