911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”
Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry
(Just a joke) when Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said " It’ll get better just walk it off."
Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.
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