I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!
Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
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