What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.
did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.
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