Dark Humor

I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”

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**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

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I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

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whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.

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Can some hot depressed suicidal guh give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die…

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Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck

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What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

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me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived

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My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks

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What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead

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Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.

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where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it

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my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

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