my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…
i will never forget my mother and fathers last words WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!
I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.” So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.” When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?” The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…” i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind
why does a leaf fall faster thanan emo kid because the emo hang itself
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.
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