Dark Humor

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.

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whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.

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I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”

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The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

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There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run

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Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours

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why don’t emos live alone?they like to hang with their freinds.

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I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!

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Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.

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I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

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Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob

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Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline

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Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????

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Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan

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Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number

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