Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.
What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging
Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.
Everything dissapers in the Bermuda triangle Except my depression Dark jokes are like water some people just don’t get it
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.
what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs
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