“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??
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