Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed. The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!” As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
What was stephan Hawkins last words\windows10shutting down
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