Dark Humor

why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.

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What does a cannibal and a spider have in common? Both eight legs

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Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!

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What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure

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A depressed boy went to high five a tree guess what the tree did? The tree left him hanging

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Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest? to see who’s hanging around.

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Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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I will always remember my baby sisters last words.“What is the fire for?”.

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Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.

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Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

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Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."

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What’s the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * … A FLATLINE!

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