I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words : Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree? dont leave me hanging
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
The depressed kid went to high five the tree… but the tree left them hanging… Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.
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