Dark Humor

me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived

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I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

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The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

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One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…

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Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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What’s the difference between a coat hangerband an emo? Nothing that both hang

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what was my great grandpas last words SHIT MG42!!!

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Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw

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I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”

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I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog

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I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”

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I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

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I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging

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I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”

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