I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind Knock knock Who’s there? Not sally
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
My life Tell me when you get it
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
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