Dark Humor

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up

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When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage

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What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry

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Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number

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I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed

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why arent emos n trees friends? cus the tree leaves them hanging

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I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”

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So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

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my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

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To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

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people call me a bad person but just the other day i saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents , i love working at the orphanage At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”

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I will remember my biker buddies last words ?Why did you cut in front of me?.

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