Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed. The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!” As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?.. He has no legs…
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.
what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I’m still here
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.
I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”
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