i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
Yes I’m CUTE C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging them selves I guess they lost Hangman
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.
Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
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