Dark Humor

What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.

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Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists

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what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat

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Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

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“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.

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What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.

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A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

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Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies

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i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.

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i got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging

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Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????

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I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"

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Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

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