Dark Humor

I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”

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I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once, I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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An Emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five… the tree left her hanging

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You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.

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I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed

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Why did the Chinese woman hang up?

Because she Wang the Wong number

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Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

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Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."

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What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree

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This whole page is pure trash. f@ck all of you.

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Why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.

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Crucifixion — only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

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What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang…

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When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree

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