The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?.. He has no legs…
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree? dont leave me hanging
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid? A: Wanna hang out?
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