Dark Humor

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt

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i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon

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When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage

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I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog

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A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog

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if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging

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What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived

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Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????

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What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner. 

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you tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder

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what do depressed people and Apple’s have in common? they both hang from trees

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