what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?
Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up ??.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
What’s a depressed kids favorite holiday… Christmas because everything is hanging
You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
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