Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too. By:Xzavier
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it
I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
What’s the difference between a coat hangerband an emo? Nothing that both hang
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
RUS | ENG
