what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street Man in Wheelchair: * falls out of wheelchair* Friend: Are you okay? Man in Wheelchair: I can’t feel my legs
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
I’ll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
Why didnt Logan Paul high five the asain man…because he loves to leave asains hanging
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I’m still here
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…
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