I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.
i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn’t need a rope to hang
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
you tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
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