Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging
why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!
Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw
I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry
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