Dark Humor

What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.

-2

-1

* * *

What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…

-2

-1

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

-2

-1

* * *

I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself

-2

-1

* * *

Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

-2

-1

* * *

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”

-2

-1

* * *

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

-2

-1

* * *

So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

-2

-1