I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”
What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found
Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall
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