Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it’s a pinata… BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park. What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker? Hop in!
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found
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