Dark Humor

Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)

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Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control

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why did the depressed person cross the road. to get ran over.

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I’ll Never Forget My Grandfathers Last Words “STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!”

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What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

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The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging

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“Hold my beer, watch this.”

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One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

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what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

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I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”

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I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.

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