Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals i hanging out eat lunch, which is a clown you see, cause there cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal "Does this taste funny to you?
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
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