Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen. no witnessess
The Orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”
Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner.
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