You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
What was Steven Hawking’s last words? ERROR 101
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime
Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.
I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
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