Dark Humor

Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."

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Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

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I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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where to people with no legs go to have fun? legno land

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Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue

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What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog.

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I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

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I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder

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I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…

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Why was I stress eating on the train track? To wait to get hit.

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What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

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life’s too short to want it.

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I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

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