what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’
whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
My friends: ugh why are you so lazy and no fun My parents: why can’t u be like ur siblings My teacher: I don’t care if ur depressed focus on ur study! The songs: we understand you :)
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
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