Dark Humor

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

The Orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

a mom cows last words were to the mom cows son they were you are then died the son though that he was adopted but then 3 years later the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say you were adorable then she died once more then 2 years later she rose from htm title=' her son and that’s why we adopted you.'>the dead for the last time to say to her son and that’s why we adopted you.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A depressed boy went to high five a tree guess what the tree did? The tree left him hanging

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026