Dark Humor

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”

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So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging them selves I guess they lost Hangman

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What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner. 

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what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

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Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat

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How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…

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Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

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Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…

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Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”

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What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.

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Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”

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what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’

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What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”

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