If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
Any game: Are you a boy or a girl? Non-binary people: cries
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
a boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad? He doesn’t have legs
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