Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose
what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging
What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.
my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid Man: Hang in there! Im gonna get some help! Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park. What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker? Hop in!
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”
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