“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
i will never forget my mother and fathers last words WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
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