Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
My life Tell me when you get it
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet
What does PEMDAS stand for? Please End My Depression And Suffering
When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????
You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
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