Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words : Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder
“I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.” -Charlie Chaplin
Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.
Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
What’s under the bottom? Your legs.
Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common? Both eight legs
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