If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
a boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad? He doesn’t have legs
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the f@ck was that noise?’ What where Stephens last words “battery low”
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
An Emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five… the tree left her hanging
Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees
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