Dark Humor

Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue

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If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.

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I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”

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Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

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I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself

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Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?

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Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”

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I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging

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Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

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I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!

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Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

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So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging them selves I guess they lost Hangman

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I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

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You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.

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