Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet
Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.
What’s the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * … A FLATLINE!
Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
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