What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”
I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
Why didnt Logan Paul high five the asain man…because he loves to leave asains hanging
I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
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