Dark Humor

Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount

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i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?

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my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car

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I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed

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I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

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what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.

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This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

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I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live

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Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.

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A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

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Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall

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My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.

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It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat

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Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…

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