Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.
I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
where to people with no legs go to have fun? legno land
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’
Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead
I still remember my dad’s last words "don’t worry son, Allah will be pleased"
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
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