Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.” So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.” When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?” The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…” i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.
“I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.” -Charlie Chaplin
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
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