Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.
My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
I will always remember my baby sisters last words.“What is the fire for?”.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
Are you depression "cause you’re always on my mind~ 1273 depression got the best of me, i’m gonna cry in my room now
I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”
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