Dark Humor

Are you depression "cause you’re always on my mind~ 1273 depression got the best of me, i’m gonna cry in my room now

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…

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If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.

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grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words : Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder

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What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

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One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt

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I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”

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What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”

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Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire

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A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”

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why did the depressed person cross the road. to get ran over.

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Gambler A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.” "Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet." The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man. ” “I am. But the steaks are too high.”

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Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)

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What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

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