Dark Humor

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

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I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…

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You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

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Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too. By:Xzavier

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I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

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Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest? to see who’s hanging around.

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To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”

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Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the f@ck was that noise?’ What where Stephens last words “battery low”

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Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore

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I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”

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where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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