whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry
Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry
How do you make a builder cry? Kill his family
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
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