Dark Humor

I don"t think I’m allergic to this

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I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

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Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.

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I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

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What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…

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What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.

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I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.

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One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas

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Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount

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I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.

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All my jokes are cys for help INCLUDING THIS ONE

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What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park. What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker? Hop in!

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Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.

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My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks

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