Dark Humor

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What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola

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An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.

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Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.

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did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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