I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw
my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car
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