my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen. no witnessess
What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs. knock knock Who’s there! Not Sarah.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest? to see who’s hanging around.
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…
I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
Depression is like therapy the more you see it the more you get used to it
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