I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!
i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig she started crying
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
I don’t see why people say that emo kid doesn’t like to hangout I seen them hanging all day.
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
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