Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging them selves I guess they lost Hangman
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.
What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall
Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
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