according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
why did the depressed person cross the road. to get ran over.
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
i got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
what do depressed people and Apple’s have in common? they both hang from trees
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
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