Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”
I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”
why do emos like circles because they can hang out with them
what is the simularite with a sloth and a depresed kid they both hang from trees
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it
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