Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it’s a pinata… BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
I don"t think I’m allergic to this
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
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