Dark Humor

I will never forget my grandpa’s last words: Alahu-Akbar i will remember my aunties last word: if you shoot me you pen-s is small (gun shot)

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I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”

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My life Tell me when you get it

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911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees

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What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

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What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.

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Can some hot depressed suicidal guh give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die…

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!

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Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw

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“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?

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Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”

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Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi

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What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

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A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

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I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

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