I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control
Q:What did one koala say to the other? A:Hows it hanging.??
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street Man in Wheelchair: * falls out of wheelchair* Friend: Are you okay? Man in Wheelchair: I can’t feel my legs
Being sad is my only happiness
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.
What’s under the bottom? Your legs.
RUS | ENG
