They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I’m still here
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!
You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…
why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.
Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
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