friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…
To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends Argon.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
Why were the cherries ?? crying? Because their parents were in a jam.
whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
RUS | ENG