Dark Humor

Being sad is my only happiness

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What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.

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Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves

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A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas

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Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind Knock knock Who’s there? Not sally

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if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.

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Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??

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I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.

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Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

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I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?

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I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging

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Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

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A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”

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I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

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Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

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