What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Why do trees never call emo kids? The emos always hang up on them.
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts! ” I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to “Hang in there.”
You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…
I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?.. He has no legs…
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
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