I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
I will remember my biker buddies last words ?Why did you cut in front of me?.
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
What’s the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * … A FLATLINE!
Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue
Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall
what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’
Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”
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