I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs
Being sad is my only happiness
Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
What’s the difference between a coat hangerband an emo? Nothing that both hang
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: ??. My depression: remeber that one tim… Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we… Me: nope. My deprssion: says really fast:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: ??????. My depression: ?? dont worry I’ll always be here for you.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound
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