I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
I could never forget my grandfathers last words. “Stop shaking the ladd-”
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
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