Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
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