Dark Humor

U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it

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I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”

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Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-

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Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.

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My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”

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When your sad don’t feel down about yourself break someone’s leg and laugh.

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A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt

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Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”

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i will never forget my mother and fathers last words WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE

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What does an emo do on Halloween, they hang like a decoration

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What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry

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The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…

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my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

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