I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”
I don"t think I’m allergic to this
What was Steven Hawking’s last words? The windows xp log out sound
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
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