Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights they are both going to be hanging from a tree
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