I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??
If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
Gambler A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.” "Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet." The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man. ” “I am. But the steaks are too high.”
Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
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