I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
Yes I’m CUTE C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.
What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging
what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees
I will always remember my baby sisters last words.“What is the fire for?”.
Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
Why is a orphan crying about its family? Because it cant “let it go”
Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
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