911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that’s self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that’s acting. it isn’t any of those if it’s suicide.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
I don"t think I’m allergic to this
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