I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
you tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
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