Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
I will always remember my baby sisters last words.“What is the fire for?”.
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”
What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
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