Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw
i got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every scene has a cast!
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
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