Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose
My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”
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