Dark Humor

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Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.

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a boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad? He doesn’t have legs

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I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

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my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

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A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.’’ “I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then…good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ‘‘OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!’’

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A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street Man in Wheelchair: * falls out of wheelchair* Friend: Are you okay? Man in Wheelchair: I can’t feel my legs

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if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.

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Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

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I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!

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