Dark Humor

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging

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Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”

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What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”

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are you a rope? bc i wanna hang with you

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A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

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I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder

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I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”

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yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry

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“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

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The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging

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What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)

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I will never forget my Grandpa’s last words, “What are you doing with that rope and saw”

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Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

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Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.

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Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.

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