Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
My grandad broke his legs. To cheer him up i bought him a walkman
What do you call a dog with no legs… My asian neighbors dinner.
why do emos like circles because they can hang out with them
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
What’s a depressed kids favorite holiday… Christmas because everything is hanging
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
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