I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five… …but it left him hanging.
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
Wanna hear somethin’ ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can’t stop cutting.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
What has 4 wheels 2 legs and loves his shoulder Stephen hawking
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common? Both eight legs
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him. There was a crying pandemic going around.
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park. What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker? Hop in!
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
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