Dark Humor

I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.

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a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

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If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.

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Being sad is my only happiness

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Why did potassium draw a tear that would consult in him crying? Because all of his friends argon

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To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”

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I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.

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How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.

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I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife

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Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

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What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball

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Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle

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what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree