Dark Humor

Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.

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Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.

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Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

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Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.

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What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them

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whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.

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Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me let go of my nose

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I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.

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They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.

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What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging

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What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”

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Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too. By:Xzavier

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