Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree? A: It left him/her/them hanging
why does a leaf fall faster thanan emo kid because the emo hang itself
I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
What’s under the bottom? Your legs.
I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
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