Dark Humor

I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.

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I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"

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A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”

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I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata

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You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.

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a boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad? He doesn’t have legs

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so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?

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what did the suicidal kid say to the tree? dont leave me hanging

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**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

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Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel

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I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone

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I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.

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Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it

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Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire

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