Dark Humor

What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola

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They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry

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Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.

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Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt

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You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

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what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

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Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”

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When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage

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Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.

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If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.

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Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

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I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife

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Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead

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The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five… …but it left him hanging.

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