I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?
knock knock who’s there? Depression medicine and therapy GO AWAY!
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
what was my great grandpas last words SHIT MG42!!!
Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…
Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
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