I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
An Emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five… the tree left her hanging
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”
Why is a orphan crying about its family? Because it cant “let it go”
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…
I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!
My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.
What’s a depressed kids favorite holiday… Christmas because everything is hanging
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