after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)
what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
i will never forget my little brothers last word rip. his last words: paint dosent taste good
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
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