What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.
why arent emos n trees friends? cus the tree leaves them hanging
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree To bad he left him hanging
Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage
Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
RUS | ENG
