Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead
I’ll remember my last words…“SORRY IM NOT SORRY”
why don’t emos live alone?they like to hang with their freinds.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
Any game: Are you a boy or a girl? Non-binary people: cries
Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees
Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!
What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.
Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind
Me: Knock knock…Friend: who’s there? Me: I don’t know anymore
Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the f@ck was that noise?’ What where Stephens last words “battery low”
RUS | ENG
