What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Why were the cherries ?? crying? Because their parents were in a jam.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree? A: It left him/her/them hanging
Gambler A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.” "Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet." The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man. ” “I am. But the steaks are too high.”
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”
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