I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”
You should never leave a man hanging. Unless they are still alive…
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall
What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure
Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals i hanging out eat lunch, which is a clown you see, cause there cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal "Does this taste funny to you?
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker Hop In
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they’re barcodes too.
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