What did the rope say to me? “hey there man, you wanna hang later?”
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street Man in Wheelchair: * falls out of wheelchair* Friend: Are you okay? Man in Wheelchair: I can’t feel my legs
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
Gambler A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.” "Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet." The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man. ” “I am. But the steaks are too high.”
What was Steven Hawking’s last words? ERROR 101
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
I still remember my grandpas last words stop wobbling the ladder you cunt
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
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