Dark Humor

I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder

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I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”

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When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree

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A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

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Famous last words: “Don’t worry man, it’s not even loaded.”

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To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now

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what is the simularite with a sloth and a depresed kid they both hang from trees

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A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

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Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing

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What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging

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i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.

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“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”

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“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

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I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

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A depressed boy went to high five a tree guess what the tree did? The tree left him hanging

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