Dark Humor

U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it

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What’s the difference between a coat hangerband an emo? Nothing that both hang

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why do emos like circles because they can hang out with them

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What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn’t need a rope to hang

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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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I will always remember my baby sisters last words.“What is the fire for?”.

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A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat

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A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”

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my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar

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if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that’s self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that’s acting. it isn’t any of those if it’s suicide.

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I don"t think I’m allergic to this

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“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”

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