a depressed kid tried to give a tree high-five but the tree left him hanging People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog.
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”
I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"
why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street Man in Wheelchair: * falls out of wheelchair* Friend: Are you okay? Man in Wheelchair: I can’t feel my legs
Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.
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