**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn’t need a rope to hang
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
a depressed kid tried to give a tree high-five but the tree left him hanging People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
What’s the difference between an emo and my clothes? my clothes don’t hang themselves.
i will never forget my little brothers last word rip. his last words: paint dosent taste good
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid? A: Wanna hang out?
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