Dark Humor

my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar

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i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.

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The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

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So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

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Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

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There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

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I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…

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What’s the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * … A FLATLINE!

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You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.

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what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’

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What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

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I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!

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What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit? A DEPPression. (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)

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I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

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Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists

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