Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue
Why is a orphan crying about its family? Because it cant “let it go”
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid? A: Wanna hang out?
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
I saw a kid crying and i asked him where his parents were… Man i love working at a Orphanige
Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
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