Dark Humor

My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day…but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

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3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"

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The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

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I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

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When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage

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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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Yes I’m CUTE C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty

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An Emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five… the tree left her hanging

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Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

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Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.

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a mom cows last words were to the mom cows son they were you are then died the son though that he was adopted but then 3 years later the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say you were adorable then she died once more then 2 years later she rose from htm title=' her son and that’s why we adopted you.'>the dead for the last time to say to her son and that’s why we adopted you.

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Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle

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Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

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They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry

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What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging

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