Dark Humor

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.

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What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them

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You use your legs as support you count on your fingers

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Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree? A: It left him/her/them hanging

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Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

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The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.

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One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live

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To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”

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I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself

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I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife

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I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!

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I don"t think I’m allergic to this

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I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”

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Everything dissapers in the Bermuda triangle Except my depression Dark jokes are like water some people just don’t get it

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