You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
Depression is like therapy the more you see it the more you get used to it
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who they gonna cry too? their parents?
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
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