Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are
What’s the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn’t cry when I break it’s legs
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure
Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!
To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now
Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion ? One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
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