Dark Humor

If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

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Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

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You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less

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I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!

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What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball

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Snow everywhere, it’s Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.

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i saw a little kid crying yesterday, so i asked him where his parents were. God i love working at an orphanage

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I don"t think I’m allergic to this

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“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?

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To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.

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The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

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my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??

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What does an emo do on Halloween, they hang like a decoration

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