Dark Humor

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.

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Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

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Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry

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You use your legs as support you count on your fingers

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Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.

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Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

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I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”

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When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????

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I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself

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Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound

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Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”

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Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.

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I’ll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "

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Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

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The depressed kid went to high five the tree… but the tree left them hanging… Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.

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