Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”
Q: what happened when the depressed kid wanted to high five the tree? A: It left him/her/them hanging
I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
RUS | ENG
