A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging
whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights they are both going to be hanging from a tree
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.
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