“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
Being sad is my only happiness
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
I remember my grandfathers last words: Are you holding the ladder
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
I will remember my biker buddies last words ?Why did you cut in front of me?.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime
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