Dark Humor

Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)

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Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.

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if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging

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Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind

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Why was I stress eating on the train track? To wait to get hit.

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Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound

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The depressed kid went to high five the tree… but the tree left them hanging… Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.

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To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”

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Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

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Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number

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people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

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I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”

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What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure

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I don"t think I’m allergic to this

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what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later

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