Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”
It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.
Why is a orphan crying about its family? Because it cant “let it go”
Little jonny waked in on his mom in the shower and said what’s that on your chest mom: those are my head lights oh what’s that in between your legs mom: oh that’s my bush jonny: oh OK next he waked in on his dad in the shower he said dad what’s that in between your legs dad: oh that’s my snake jonny: oh OK that night little jonny walks in on his parents going at it and said " mom turn on his head lights there’s a snake Going in your bush
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs? A paintball
im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
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