Dark Humor

I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”

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Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.

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are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.

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Gambler A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.” "Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet." The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man. ” “I am. But the steaks are too high.”

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Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.

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I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.

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Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes

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One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!

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Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says “I have some good news and bad news" so the patient says “What is the bad news?” the Doctor replies “I have had to amputate both your legs” so the patent says “Well what is the good news? ” the Doctor replies "I have found someone to buy your slippers”…

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at you front door? Matt

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I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

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Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it

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Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-

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