Dark Humor

Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)

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i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon

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what was my great grandpas last words SHIT MG42!!!

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When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage

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Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried

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If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

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What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

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why did the depressed person cross the road. to get ran over.

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what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??

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Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime

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When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were

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If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?

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You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.

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