If you watch " jaws" backward it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who giving arms and legs to disable people
what is the simularite with a sloth and a depresed kid they both hang from trees
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”
whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights they are both going to be hanging from a tree
what do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
Me: want to play 911 My little brother: what’s that Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire
i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”
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