I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
what do depressed people and Apple’s have in common? they both hang from trees
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
I will always remember my baby sisters last words.“What is the fire for?”.
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
My grandad broke his legs. To cheer him up i bought him a walkman
(Just a joke) when Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said " It’ll get better just walk it off."
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Friend 1:Eyyy gurl Me:Hey! (Fake smile) Friend 2:hey g-guys what "bout we play would you rather? 6 hours later Friend 2:So (name) would u rather? 1.“Hang” out with me Or 2.“Jump” 1 times? Me…e-eh?..Why not both???we could just "Jump while “Hanging” out right?
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
When the people that see u Cry that doesn’t mean they miss u That mean they scared of yo Onion breath????
RUS | ENG
