What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat
Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????
life’s too short to want it.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife
yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. “One more picture and I’ll jump.” He takes another photo and shuts the window. “I can’t jump, you’re not supposed to throw trash out the window.”
my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen. no witnessess
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
RUS | ENG
