if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black
“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
Are you depression "cause you’re always on my mind~ 1273 depression got the best of me, i’m gonna cry in my room now
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
what do depressed people and Apple’s have in common? they both hang from trees
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.
I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!
Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.
I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside
What does an emo do on Halloween, they hang like a decoration
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