Dark Humor

Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

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Whats Big, bounces, and make little kids cry? my donation to the orphanage :)

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Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

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I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

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What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

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my grandpa’s last words were before died in vietnam was what f@ck did i step on…

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Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW

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a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

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What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog.

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A depressed boy went to high five a tree guess what the tree did? The tree left him hanging

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!

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what is the simularite with a sloth and a depresed kid they both hang from trees

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Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

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The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging

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I will remember my biker buddies last words ?Why did you cut in front of me?.

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