A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.
My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
My friends: ugh why are you so lazy and no fun My parents: why can’t u be like ur siblings My teacher: I don’t care if ur depressed focus on ur study! The songs: we understand you :)
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
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