what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
What’s a depressed kids favorite holiday… Christmas because everything is hanging
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning. A depressing but satisfying victory.
I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.” if i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"
What do you call a prostitute with no arm or legs Cash and carry
what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging
What was Steven Hawking’s last words? The windows xp log out sound
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