If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: I’m gonna sleep for a little.
I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”
why do emos like circles because they can hang out with them
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.” So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.” When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?” The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…” i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry
Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
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