I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
The Orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging
I saw a kid crying and i asked him where his parents were… Man i love working at a Orphanige
Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
RUS | ENG
