what did the rope and the tree say to the kid do you want to hang later
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it’s suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it’s a failed stunt.
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.” So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.” When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?” The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…” i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig she started crying
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”
I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!
i will always remember my grandfather’s last words before he died: is that a real chainsaw?
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
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