Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat
I will remember my biker buddies last words ?Why did you cut in front of me?.
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
why does a leaf fall faster thanan emo kid because the emo hang itself
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11… Allahu Akbar!
so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
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