Dark Humor

“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say. “Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say. “Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.

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Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves

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What’s a depressed kids favorite holiday… Christmas because everything is hanging

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Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up

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I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone

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did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?

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What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!

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If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

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Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”

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I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg

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i will never forget my mother and fathers last words WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE

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Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????

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Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW

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A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”

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What was Steven Hawking’s last words? The windows xp log out sound

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