what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
The depressed kid went to high five the tree… but the tree left them hanging… Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”
Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”
after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
Why are washers better than babies? Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.
Why were the cherries ?? crying? Because their parents were in a jam.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
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