A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!
my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen. no witnessess
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
I’ll Never Forget My Grandfathers Last Words “STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!”
Hey can’t wait to meet you! So join the crippiling depression family!!
whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Being sad is my only happiness
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage
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