Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: ??. My depression: remeber that one tim… Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we… Me: nope. My deprssion: says really fast:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: ??????. My depression: ?? dont worry I’ll always be here for you.
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
what was my great grandpas last words SHIT MG42!!!
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”
U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
What do you call a cow with no legs Ground beef…haha…no one likes my jokes
RUS | ENG
