Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under ????
Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
What’s under the bottom? Your legs.
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.
I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.
why did the kid cry? his dad didn’t get the milk
Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
Everything dissapers in the Bermuda triangle Except my depression Dark jokes are like water some people just don’t get it
RUS | ENG
