Dark Humor

Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies

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a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

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My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . “You little bastard!”

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I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”

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I will never forget my grandpa’s last words: Alahu-Akbar i will remember my aunties last word: if you shoot me you pen-s is small (gun shot)

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What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.

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Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”

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these are all of my terrible jokes Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I’ll serve you but don’t start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I’m

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What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

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To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I’m still here

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What do you call a prostitute with no arm or legs Cash and carry

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I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply

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You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less

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The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it’s running down my legs

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after a surgery, a man claimed he couldn’t feel his legs, i replied “OF COURSE NOT, I AMPUTATED YOUR f@ckING ARMS!”

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