Dark Humor

Watches sad movie with family Everyone else: Crying Sister: How aren’t you crying? Me: I have no tear left to cry…

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Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends Argon.

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You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.

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what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

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What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")

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**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

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if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.

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Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

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All my jokes are cys for help INCLUDING THIS ONE

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You know people always say your life is worth it, but with me it’s worth-it-less

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I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.

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What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

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An Emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five… the tree left her hanging

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Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.

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There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

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