“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words. The man says: “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you f@ck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR f@ckED NOW
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
My friends: ugh why are you so lazy and no fun My parents: why can’t u be like ur siblings My teacher: I don’t care if ur depressed focus on ur study! The songs: we understand you :)
Gambler A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.” "Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet." The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man. ” “I am. But the steaks are too high.”
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
“Hold my beer, watch this.”
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
Being sad is my only happiness
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
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