Whats the difference batween an onion and a baby. One makes you cry when you cut it up
There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park. What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker? Hop in!
Teacher : Who here has thought about committing suicide? Half of the class : raises hand Teacher : … The half of the class: Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him. There was a crying pandemic going around.
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
Me- crying in the shower Also me- why is my toaster in here?
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Gambler A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.” "Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet." The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man. ” “I am. But the steaks are too high.”
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
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