Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
I saw this little girl crying I asked her where her parents where she cried more man I love working at an orphanage
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running? ” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging
My life Tell me when you get it
Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
whats the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights they are both going to be hanging from a tree
I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
my advice to suicidal people: just hang in there ??
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
what’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
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