A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!
You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.
You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions… Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals i hanging out eat lunch, which is a clown you see, cause there cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal "Does this taste funny to you?
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
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