What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What’s the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief? The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, “Sign here please.”
What the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish funeral, one less drunk.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.
whats the difference between McDonald’s and a priest nothing… they both stick their meat in ten year old buns
What’s the difference between $1 Million and Baby Teeth? I don’t have $1 Million in my wallet.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
What’s the difference between princess Dianna and Thomas the tank engine Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel
What’s the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
what’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? an apple gets picked
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” but a train says, “Chew chew!”
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
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