What’s the difference between humans and bullets? Humans miss John Lennon
What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course. The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, “I’ll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that’s why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat.” . Says that little boy: “But mama, that does not make any difference.” “Oh no?” the mom asks. “No,” says the little boy, “When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!”
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex? One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at the other one is a coconut.
What’s the difference between you and Hitler? Hitler knew when to kill himself.
what’s the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop. pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly
What’s the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they’re both too short.
What’s the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.
Whats the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
What’s the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
What do turtles and lesbians have in common they both choke on plastic
whats the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? nothing i slit both of them
you wanna know what’s the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? “a refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it”
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying ten babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be saying one baby in ten trashcans
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