Dream jokes

I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted

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I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

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My friend dreamed of being a porno star. He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him The next job he got was pumping petrol, halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

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An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman’s boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman’s boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What’s it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don’t serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can’t believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.

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Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone

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Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow? So it could have sweet dreams.

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You don’t have a forehead you have a five head. You don’t have dreams you have movies.

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Last night i had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn’t REEL

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Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

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Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style? Is HE goated with the sauce?

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Following your dreams is good…especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.

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Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite. Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants. Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite! Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead. R.I.P Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile! Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you! Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

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Went to the doctor told him Ive been having dreams first about a wigwam then about a teepee he said I was 2 tents

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Everyone in my class: I can’t wait until have a family, I can’t wait to study for my dream job My friends: What’s your dream job? Me: I’m going to die young :))

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He replied with ”when were you born?”

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