one day my ex best friend lied about his computer died when he left the call and watched youtube
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”
How did Helen Keller die? Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it
I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so f@cking happy.
What do you call a mix of nuts, bolts, and my ex? A roTHOT
My Ex wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better! Gravity Falls Suckers
My ex boyfriend’s dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT. (I capitalized important parts of the joke)
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
What did the snail say to his ex-wife? I’m still leaving you!
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break. If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me. I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn… If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people
#takemebacksophie
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horse and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
My ex misses me, good thing she’ll never hit me.
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