My girlfriend broke up with me today but it’s ok, She said we can still be cousins.
Today was the worst day ever. My Ex got hit by a truck… On the plus side my truck doesn’t even have a dent.
I was walking down the street when i thought i smelled my ex’s perfume, turns out i was standing in front of a fish market.
It’s been a terrible day today my ex got hit by a bus and died. Not only this but the council cut my bus drivers permit
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Me:Whats that sound? Ex:What? Me:oh its the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT. (I capitalized important parts of the joke)
some guy was mad at his ex wife! so he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk. And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
I was hunting at night for deer and then I found one and shot it, I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex…
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend said “hi.” I said, " knife to meet you."
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break. If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me. I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn… If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people
What do you call lesbians having sex? My cheating dyke ex wife!
My ex is like aids!!! I can’t get rid of him How am I an ableist? My ex girlfriend was in a wheelchair and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to 8th floor.
My ex was so full of shit,she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
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