Me:Whats that sound? Ex:What? Me:oh its the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!” A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
My girlfriend broke up with me today but it’s ok, She said we can still be cousins.
one day my ex best friend lied about his computer died when he left the call and watched youtube
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex? Depression f@cks you harder
Ex-Boy-Friend: You have no ass so we’re through! Me: Stop being a dick head dude!! It ain’t gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break. If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me. I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn… If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people
i was hit by a car later my ex lost her bus job
the last thing i told my ex after we broke up was “at least we’re still cousins”??
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”
When your so rich that you can buy anything you end up getting a cow in your living room yeah anyways my ex is still in my living room
Living in Houston Texas and realizing that hurricanes are a annual threat my ex wife call me and ask what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer take the 610 loop dear
Build your ex a fire and their warm for a day. Set you ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence
Granny’s says. don’t worry the crys of pain are only my ex husbands
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