What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-ecutioner.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday…lets just say i quit my job as a butcher
what do call an ex lesbian ??? A Clitter Quitter
What’s the difference between depression and your ex? Depression f@cks you harder
A FED EX plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa but the cargo door wasn’t shut properly but only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane? Time’s up! You took too long you only had 4 seconds to answer it. How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door? Open the fridge, put the elephant in and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door. Why did sally fall off the swing? Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators. How did she survive? Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off. But she was rescued 8 minutes later.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
ex-bf’s gf: your so ugly as hell me: oh did I mention that i was trying to be you
2 friends are talking and the one says, “I had a good day today, I ran into my ex.” The other guy replies, “How is that good?” The Friend says, “I was in my car.”
Ex-Boy-Friend: You have no ass so we’re through! Me: Stop being a dick head dude!! It ain’t gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
How did Helen Keller die? Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break. If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me. I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn… If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people
some guy was mad at his ex wife! so he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk. And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Living in Houston Texas and realizing that hurricanes are a annual threat my ex wife call me and ask what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer take the 610 loop dear
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex’s, so I was completely alone.
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday.i nearly lost my job
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