What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
I was walking down the street when i thought i smelled my ex’s perfume, turns out i was standing in front of a fish market.
Me:Whats that sound? Ex:What? Me:oh its the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
I was hunting at night for deer and then I found one and shot it, I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex…
i just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday.i nearly lost my job
2 friends are talking and the one says, “I had a good day today, I ran into my ex.” The other guy replies, “How is that good?” The Friend says, “I was in my car.”
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex? One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at the other one is a coconut.
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”
Ex-Boy-Friend: You have no ass so we’re through! Me: Stop being a dick head dude!! It ain’t gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
My Ex wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better! Gravity Falls Suckers
Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT. (I capitalized important parts of the joke)
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex’s, so I was completely alone.
RUS | ENG
