Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes and that’s when he realized… Jack had f@cked Jill’s daughter
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That’s means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked “where are your sisters?” i said “in line to get crushed”
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.” I once heard my dad shout I’m going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot
Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
Daughter: Mommy? Mom: Hey Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids? Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That’s wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That’s nice, Mum, but isn’t the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You’re welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)
jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water, jack slipped and the condom ripped now they have a daughter
Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
My sister asked me what is dark humour i asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? KINDERSURPRISE!
You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”
What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm? An ambulance
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