Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct
Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …
my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked “where are your sisters?” i said “in line to get crushed”
Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.
My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
So three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother, the first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So the mother replies “Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead.” The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So the mother explained “Same as Daisy, when you we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead.” The third daughter then said “ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb” so the mother said “Shut Up Brick!”
My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said “If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away.” the next time my Aunt visited she said “Where is you daughter? ” my Mom said “I took your advice”
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com
Father : I don’t trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter’s belly,. Son : But Paah you can’t fire me. Father: You’re lucky you’re my brother too or I’d kill you.
So there I was f@cking my sister and she’s shouts “god you f@ck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”
My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad’s c–k tastes like s–t!
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