I was thinking of a good accident joke and I asked my sister, she said you
what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.” I once heard my dad shout I’m going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!” long pause "Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?” “Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…” then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
My sisters name is coco and one day she was funny so I told her you Coconut
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
5 4 3 2 1. A castle ways a ton. 5 4 3 2 1. The Queen of England’s won. I never thought she’d get it done, but her sister is a nun.
What’s the best part about plowing your cousin? -It makes your sister jealous
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a “two for one special.”
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"
jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water, jack slipped and the condom ripped now they have a daughter
Son: Dad, why did name my sister Paris? Dad: Because she was made there. Son: Thanks, Dad. Dad: You’re welcome, Backseat.
White 40 year olds love little white kids and so does trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter! So I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company. Everyone is mad but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…
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