Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping. Father: Sorry
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12
My sister asked me what is dark humour i asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? KINDERSURPRISE!
You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”
What runs but never stop
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad. Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man? A:How do you breathe through that little thing?
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct
My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.
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