Family jokes

my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone’s attention.

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Teacher: You cant be here after school without a parent! Orphan: -no response-

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Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …

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My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question

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Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct

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Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said “it’s time to go sweetie” but before we could go someone said “stop them they have my daughter!”

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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time then, she asked me flirtatiously “have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?” I said, “Nope, not yet”. She drank a little more, and said, “well, darling, tonight is your lucky night.” So she took me to her place. She took out her keys opens her door turn on the light and she yells towards upstairs "Mom, are you still awake?”

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my 14 year old daughter went shopping at grocery story she gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist , the cashier scanned it and replied with " ma’am this item is worthless "

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Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?

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Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick

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The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

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Why did the brother cross the road? Because The Sister Farted.

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Depression hits harder than my dad

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What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

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