So my teacher’s daughter commited suicide. One day Ima go up to her and say “What’s wrong did Logan Paul leave your daughter hangin’”.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!
A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her
my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone’s attention.
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
Son : "Dad, Are we pyromaniacs ?" Dad : "Yes, we arson
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
So there I was f@cking my sister and she’s shouts “god you f@ck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”
If there is a divorce in West Virginia Are they still brother and Sister?
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
When I become a parent I’m gonna regergetate my food to feed my children. It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That’s means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
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