Family jokes

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? Kick his sisters jaw

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My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying

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Sometimes i feel ugly, then i think of my sister and feel better

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What is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs

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As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.”

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”

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A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her

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2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”

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What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh.

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A girl and her brother are walking in their garden POV:Brother. Sister:Why are you cutting those flowers?

Brother; because their beautiful!

Sister: I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren’t.

Brother:…

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Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids

Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…

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Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that’s my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds “those are my headlights.” He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down “daddy whats that?” The dad replies “that’s my car.” He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says “you can lay with me.” He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see’s them going at it he then yells “mommy turn on you’re headlights daddy’s parking his car in you’re garage!” THUD

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I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

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The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…

He’s a suicide bomber.

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My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question

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A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

“Oh no, Tom’s an idiot, what did he name my daughter?” she asked the nurse.

“Denise. ”

“That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?”

“Tom Junior.”

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