A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? Kick his sisters jaw
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying
Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked “What are you doing?” She replied, “Making a Creampie.”
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
a girl and her brother are walking in their garden POV:Brother. Sister:Why are you cutting those flowers? Brother; because their beautiful! Sister:I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren’t. Brother:…
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, “God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, “God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and stays there until midnight. He’s very surprised. ‘I’ve cheated death!’ he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, “Where have you been?!” and the husband says, “Oh don’t ask me any questions, today’s been miserable.” The wife replies, “Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch…”
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Depression hits harder than my dad
Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.” Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.” This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying. Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!
Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?” Father: "Ask your sister” Daughter: “I don’t have a…”
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
RUS | ENG
