My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him ??????
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work… He’s a suicide bomber.
I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said “Hey you should CUT it out.” It was funny but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet
So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”
Dad: "if they jumped off a bridge would you?" Tommy: “yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!”
Once my sister was a sister now shes a blister
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they’re gone they never come back.
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