Dad: What did you learn in school today? Timmy: Not enough, I guess, ‘cus I gotta go back tomorrow.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
%%Dad: “Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?” Son: “Nah, mostly men.” Dad: “Do you think you’d be comfortable telling that to a judge in court…”
You have to do this and my sister said well I don’t care and I said well you care enough to respond back oh my gosh.
So I was f@cking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That’s means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
Why does sally have a 100 sisters? She lives in a orphanage
Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
My family is like a apple tree my sister is that ugly one that has to ruin in What do tampons and your sister have in common!
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
So my dad said to me and my sister don’t fight but did he mean “fist fight” or “yelling fight?”
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
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