Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”! What’s better then sex with your 12 year old sister? Rolling her over and pretending it’s your 10 year old brother
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn’t real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, “your adopted” the sister yells back, “At least they wanted me!”
She was only a potato chip manufacturer "s daughter - by she was Frito Lay!
Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home. They got in the car, and his mother asked "Johnny, what did you do this time? So johnny pulled his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” Once they got home his dad was off work and heard that johnny was coming home early from school, once again he asked johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said “Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy.” After that, his dad was surprised so his dad pulled down his pants and said “Big whale, big whale.”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it Leaves and never comes back
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can’t be with her because it’s illegal to marry your sister.
My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked me “is that the best you can do?”
When I become a parent I’m gonna regergetate my food to feed my children. It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
jack and jill went down to hell to fetch ur mothers bladder her bladder broke u two are soaked and now u have a daughter cuz in that bladder was me
I love you Hebrew john
My sister’s bf is mad at me cuz I f@cked his girl
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