My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!” The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!” Guess who dies next.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers? A virgin.
whats the difference between a lambo and a boner your sister didnt give me a lambo
What did the drummer call his 2 twin daughters? Anna 1 Anna 2
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands. So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. ushe told me that the was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
Daughter: Mommy? Mom: Hey Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids? Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…
2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”
Once my sister was a sister now shes a blister
Teacher: You cant be here after school without a parent! Orphan: -no response-
Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.
my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone’s attention.
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
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