The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water, jack slipped and the condom ripped now they have a daughter
You want to hear a dirty joke? This guy and this girl were having sex when the guys boss called to ask why he wasn’t at work. The guy responds, "I’m sick" His boss replies, "you don’t sound sick" The guy says, “I’m f@cking my sister” and hangs up the phone
My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”
What runs but never stop
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him ??????
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won’t get bored there
One day my mom told me to take out the trash and I did . The next day mom asked me where is your sister and I said a garbage truck took her. Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers? A virgin.
Dad: What did you learn in school today? Timmy: Not enough, I guess, ‘cus I gotta go back tomorrow.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.” I once heard my dad shout I’m going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot
Why did the Santa go to work because he was just trying out the work ????
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
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