I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
My dad is like my depression you need a suicide letter to find him
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
I was thinking of a good accident joke and I asked my sister, she said you
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
When you’re f@cking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked “where are your sisters?” i said “in line to get crushed”
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that’s my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds “those are my headlights.” He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down “daddy whats that?” The dad replies “that’s my car.” He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says “you can lay with me.” He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see’s them going at it he then yells “mommy turn on you’re headlights daddy’s parking his car in you’re garage!” THUD
I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said “Hey you should CUT it out.” It was funny but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that.
My sister said that you no that that is really cool than I said you no you can shut up
jack and jill went down to hell to fetch ur mothers bladder her bladder broke u two are soaked and now u have a daughter cuz in that bladder was me
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