Family jokes

Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

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My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. ushe told me that the was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.

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Dad: "if they jumped off a bridge would you?" Tommy: “yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!”

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I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

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So my teacher’s daughter commited suicide. One day Ima go up to her and say “What’s wrong did Logan Paul leave your daughter hangin’”.

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What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

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What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm? An ambulance

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My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12

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2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”

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Bf: Do you love me? Gf: Most of time. Bf: Well it’s either yes or no. Gf: … Bf: Well when is it that you don’t love me? Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again. Bf: Why? Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL. Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!! Gf: Ohh…

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The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work… He’s a suicide bomber.

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What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette

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What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they’re gone they never come back.

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The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury. Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available. One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier

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How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? Kick his sisters jaw

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