Family jokes

What’s the best part about plowing your cousin? -It makes your sister jealous

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Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that’s my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds “those are my headlights.” He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down “daddy whats that?” The dad replies “that’s my car.” He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says “you can lay with me.” He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see’s them going at it he then yells “mommy turn on you’re headlights daddy’s parking his car in you’re garage!” THUD

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Guys my sisters pregnant! Im finally a dad!

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I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

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whats the difference between a lambo and a boner your sister didnt give me a lambo

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Why hasn’t my dad come back? No seriously I’m not joking

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A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her

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I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

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Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

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What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!

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The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury. Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available. One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier

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roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet

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Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: gasps whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him… then he took my dress off… Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn’t exciting, make something up!

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I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

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A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas

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