My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
dark humor is like a dad not everyone gets it
My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won’t get bored there
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands. So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury. Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available. One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
To All The Naruto Fans: sharingan is red rasengan are blue if you dare touch my daughter ill chidori you
A proud new dad sits down with his own father. His father says, “Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it’s time I gave you this.” And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes. The young man says, “Dad, I’m honored, ” as tears well up in his eyes. His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
My Daughter is Super Smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it’s storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I’m scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don’t tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks “what’s that?” And the boy replies with “that’s my pet snake” and the girl asks “can I pet it?” And the boy says “sure just don’t tell Mom” and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks “what happened” and the girl said “I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it’s head off” My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
What did the drummer call his 2 twin daughters? Anna 1 Anna 2
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