What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed. The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.” So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”
dark humor is like a dad not everyone gets it
2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”
So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
How do you circumcise a hill billy… Kick his sister in the jaw
what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )
My sister asked me what is dark humour i asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? KINDERSURPRISE!
I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said “i am still choosing” she looked horrified
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
I complimented my neighbor’s skeleton decoration for Halloween but they just told me that it’s their anorexic daughter. Please read all of it I know it’s long please read all of it. This dad heard his daughter praying as she was praying she came to an end: " Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad didn’t think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died the dad thought it was just coincidence so he carried on his day. At night he heard his daughter again: “Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. After he heard goodbye grandma his facial expression changed and went straight to bed. The next morning the grandma died out of nowhere the dad began to worry and continued on his day, at night he heard his daughter again " Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad got scared so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there so that’s what he did. When he got home the next day his wife asked where he had been and he replied back " Sorry honey I had a horrible day today.” She replied back saying: " OH YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD THE MAILMAN JUST DIED ON THE FRONTPORCH THIS MORNING" If you get it you get it.
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta
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