Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked me “is that the best you can do?”
jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water, jack slipped and the condom ripped now they have a daughter
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”
So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? Daddy
I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time then, she asked me flirtatiously “have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?” I said, “Nope, not yet”. She drank a little more, and said, “well, darling, tonight is your lucky night.” So she took me to her place. She took out her keys opens her door turn on the light and she yells towards upstairs "Mom, are you still awake?”
best friend makes 9/11 joke you: hey my dad was inside the tower best friend: im sorry you: I always knew he was a great pilot Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because there dad never came back with the milk
My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That’s wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That’s nice, Mum, but isn’t the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You’re welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)
You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
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