So there I was f@cking my sister and she’s shouts “god you f@ck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”
1st daughter: Dad I;m lesbian! Dad: oh OK! 2nd daughter: I’m also lesbian Dad: WTF does any 1 in this family love d!cks?!? Son: I do…
My friend was pissed of with me. I was sniffing his sisters knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
Depression hits harder than my dad
Sometimes i feel ugly, then i think of my sister and feel better
You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
why do orphans eat cereal with water? because their dad never came home with the milk
I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said “i am still choosing” she looked horrified
My Mom said: I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied. Well i said: Have you seen her?
Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That’s wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That’s nice, Mum, but isn’t the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You’re welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)
Daughter: mommy what ever happened to Steven hawking? Mother: he died. Daughter: how did he die? Mother: he never got recharged.
RUS | ENG
