Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping. Father: Sorry
whats the difference between a lambo and a boner your sister didnt give me a lambo
my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked “where are your sisters?” i said “in line to get crushed”
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? Daddy
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sisters, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughter. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com
my 14 year old daughter went shopping at grocery story she gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist , the cashier scanned it and replied with " ma’am this item is worthless "
My family is like a apple tree my sister is that ugly one that has to ruin in What do tampons and your sister have in common!
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
A Pedphile brings his Eight year old Daughter to the doctors office. The doctor asked her if she would like some Candy? Her father replies please no more candy for her i gave her enough today.
Why hasn’t my dad come back? No seriously I’m not joking
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA
Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
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