I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked “What are you doing?” She replied, “Making a Creampie.”
How do you circumcise a hill billy… Kick his sister in the jaw
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.
Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That’s wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That’s nice, Mum, but isn’t the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You’re welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.” I once heard my dad shout I’m going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot
My sister said that you no that that is really cool than I said you no you can shut up
Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said “Hey you should CUT it out.” It was funny but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that.
y do orphans eat cereal with water there dad did not come back with the milk
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
what do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear hahaha
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they’re gone they never come back.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away
RUS | ENG
