Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA
So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. ????
A little girl said to her mom "MOM MY BUTTS CRACKED KISS IT KISS IT"her mom said “sweetie SHUT UP ITS ALWAYS BEEN THERE” then her daughter died cuz of her melodramaticness.
Daughter: mommy what ever happened to Steven hawking? Mother: he died. Daughter: how did he die? Mother: he never got recharged.
So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC’s so he goes home and ask his mom who’s cooking “Whats the first letter of the ABC’s?” he ask and his mom responds with “SHUT UP… I’M COOKING!” so then he walks to sister who’s signing in the shower and asks her “Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC’s?” she responds with “I’m ready
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it? “ The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore.”
Teacher: You cant be here after school without a parent! Orphan: -no response-
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father’s son and your father’s father, you’re your own grandpa!
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said “Hey you should CUT it out.” It was funny but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. ushe told me that the was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”
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