Family jokes

A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her

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What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!

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I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some

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Daughter: mommy what ever happened to Steven hawking? Mother: he died. Daughter: how did he die? Mother: he never got recharged.

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Daughter: Dad, what’s your opinion on abortions? Dad: Ask your sister Daughter: But I don’t have a sister Dad: Exactly

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Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well

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So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

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What runs but never stop

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I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said “Hey you should CUT it out.” It was funny but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that.

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Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”

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When you’re f@cking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

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Daughter: Mommy? Mom: Hey Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids? Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…

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I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”

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what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )

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“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”

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