What’s the best part about plowing your cousin? -It makes your sister jealous
As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed. The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.” So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”
What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm? An ambulance
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
whats the difference between a lambo and a boner your sister didnt give me a lambo
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out. “Oh no, Tom’s an idiot, what did he name my daughter?” she asked the nurse. “Denise.” “That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?” “Tom Junior.”
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!” The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!” Guess who dies next.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it Leaves and never comes back
What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked “What are you doing?” She replied, “Making a Creampie.”
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked “mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?” “OH honey thats your monkey.” The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says “my monkey has hair on it” so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas
You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
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