Family jokes

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they’re gone they never come back.

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y do orphans eat cereal with water there dad did not come back with the milk

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jack and jill went down to hell to fetch ur mothers bladder her bladder broke u two are soaked and now u have a daughter cuz in that bladder was me

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I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled “HOW CAN YOU F… OUR DAUGHTER?!”. Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.

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So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

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My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"

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Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

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One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sisters, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughter. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

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Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”

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Teacher: You cant be here after school without a parent! Orphan: -no response-

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Daughter: Dad, what’s your opinion on abortions? Dad: Ask your sister Daughter: But I don’t have a sister Dad: Exactly

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My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him ??????

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How do you circumcise a hill billy… Kick his sister in the jaw

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what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs

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