what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
My sister said that you no that that is really cool than I said you no you can shut up
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands. So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they’re gone they never come back.
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad. Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man? A:How do you breathe through that little thing?
Yo sis come here sis: what. Me: oh sorry you doing school sis: yup me can i go sis:no way you’re going to hug me me: i love you
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know. This joke problably flew over peoples heads, but for some people it flew into their head I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing eachother and I said excuse where is the bathroom and the man said right over there. I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say “Dad I have to go to school soon”
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. ushe told me that the was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
daughter:dad why did mom do best? dad:nothing except pretend to love us and leave daughter:so she only loves my sister? dad:yep
So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”
Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway
RUS | ENG
