Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying
My sister’s bf is mad at me cuz I f@cked his girl
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad. He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.
Dad: What time do u wanna go to the dentist? Daughter: tooth hurty Dad: all right
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
A proud new dad sits down with his own father. His father says, “Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it’s time I gave you this.” And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes. The young man says, “Dad, I’m honored, ” as tears well up in his eyes. His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
You want to hear a dirty joke? This guy and this girl were having sex when the guys boss called to ask why he wasn’t at work. The guy responds, "I’m sick" His boss replies, "you don’t sound sick" The guy says, “I’m f@cking my sister” and hangs up the phone
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com
Yo sis come here sis: what. Me: oh sorry you doing school sis: yup me can i go sis:no way you’re going to hug me me: i love you
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
She was only a potato chip manufacturer "s daughter - by she was Frito Lay!
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