Son: Dad, why did name my sister Paris? Dad: Because she was made there. Son: Thanks, Dad. Dad: You’re welcome, Backseat.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
%%Dad: “Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?” Son: “Nah, mostly men.” Dad: “Do you think you’d be comfortable telling that to a judge in court…”
My Daughter is Super Smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor
2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers? A virgin.
When you’re f@cking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
Son : "Dad, Are we pyromaniacs ?" Dad : "Yes, we arson
I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time then, she asked me flirtatiously “have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?” I said, “Nope, not yet”. She drank a little more, and said, “well, darling, tonight is your lucky night.” So she took me to her place. She took out her keys opens her door turn on the light and she yells towards upstairs "Mom, are you still awake?”
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night they don’t have a dad to go with.
jack and rose went on a cruise to do it in the water. jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
So I was f@cking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her
So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, my buns are burning.
When I become a parent I’m gonna regergetate my food to feed my children. It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
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