I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”
My sister’s bf is mad at me cuz I f@cked his girl
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
Q:Why did the father through butter out the window?A:he wanted to see a butterfly
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.
A little girl said to her mom "MOM MY BUTTS CRACKED KISS IT KISS IT"her mom said “sweetie SHUT UP ITS ALWAYS BEEN THERE” then her daughter died cuz of her melodramaticness.
My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
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