My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone) Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)? Operator : Yes, you can speak to me. Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)! Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this? Caller: I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent. Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about? Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)?as involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I’m Saw Lee (Sorry). Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
When you’re f@cking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
My family is like a apple tree my sister is that ugly one that has to ruin in What do tampons and your sister have in common!
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad. Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man? A:How do you breathe through that little thing?
How do you circumcise a hill billy… Kick his sister in the jaw
Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!
dark humor is like a dad not everyone gets it
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
What do u call a grown up with ur sister, ur best friend
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. ushe told me that the was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
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