I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
My family is like a apple tree my sister is that ugly one that has to ruin in What do tampons and your sister have in common!
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
y do orphans eat cereal with water there dad did not come back with the milk
Q:Why did the father through butter out the window?A:he wanted to see a butterfly
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it Leaves and never comes back
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked “What are you doing?” She replied, “Making a Creampie.”
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
A proud new dad sits down with his own father. His father says, “Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it’s time I gave you this.” And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes. The young man says, “Dad, I’m honored, ” as tears well up in his eyes. His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
When my dad left he said he would bring back the milk but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him and he said “I used all the milk to make your sister”
my 14 year old daughter went shopping at grocery story she gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist , the cashier scanned it and replied with " ma’am this item is worthless "
My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late, his best friend asked, “Would you like to hear a joke?” “Sure” he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common? ’ “I don’t know.” “Because of me you’re both late for your next period.”
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