Family jokes

Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …

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What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!

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A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom. ” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

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One day my mom told me to take out the trash and I did . The next day mom asked me where is your sister and I said a garbage truck took her. Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left

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My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

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You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

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So there I was f@cking my sister and she’s shouts “god you f@ck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”

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So I was f@cking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her

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I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

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what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )

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My sisters name is coco and one day she was funny so I told her you Coconut

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A little girl said to her mom "MOM MY BUTTS CRACKED KISS IT KISS IT"her mom said “sweetie SHUT UP ITS ALWAYS BEEN THERE” then her daughter died cuz of her melodramaticness.

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My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. ushe told me that the was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.

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what do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear hahaha

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When does a joke become a dad joke? When it Leaves and never comes back

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