Fire jokes

One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. ‘Why are you early, it is not even christmas?’ ho, ho. Don’t worry about me. Lets worry about you instead’ says Santa. What is the problem my friend?’ I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house." Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i’ll give it to you-" Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!

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Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes

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What do you call an emo kid playing with fire? Forgot to clean little piece of dust.

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Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“f@ck THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”

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whats the difference between a bear with a gun and an American Man with a gun? The bear has common sense not to fire it

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I can’t believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean… All I did was take a day off!

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I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere

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There are some sounds that everyone loves… Shoes on gravel Crackling of fire The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you Cats purring

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What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common? Their last big hit was “Fire on the Mountain”

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Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

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my friend was in a wheel chair so i rolled him in fire now i call him hot wheels

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I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

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What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common? Both are completely harmless untill you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

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wood fired pizza how would pizza get a job now

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I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he’s a really deep sleeper.

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