i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P
Are you a fire alarm because your loud and annoying
The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the world trade center.
What do you call a retard in a house fire? Flame Retardant
What do you call an emo kid playing with fire? Forgot to clean little piece of dust.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? – Steven Hawking after a house fire.
I can’t believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean… All I did was take a day off!
my friend committed suicide yesterday…at least he went out with a bang
a man got fired from the first coin factory. he exclaimed “no! this is the only thing thats ever made cents!!”
I was about to change my password to fire-fist ace… but apparently it was too weak.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin
I live next to a kindergarten and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it’s me who has a drill around little children.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead. 4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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