(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick
I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN’S ON FIRE
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
My little cousin’s birthday was in a few days and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming “HOT WHEELS!”
There are some sounds that everyone loves…
Shoes on gravel
Crackling of fire
The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
Cats purring
“Sanderson, fire a warning shot.”
“Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher.”
“Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger.”
I can’t believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean… All I did was take a day off!
I love fire. My friends love it too. When i set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was “Fire on the Mountain”
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim?
A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy?
He died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words…
“you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance…
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… Lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
My aunt worked as a human cannon ball
I’m not sure if she was good at it until she got fired
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? – Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What’s the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don’t set the skeleton on fire.
Why did the little girl’s ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
I got a job at a library once, i got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
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