Fire jokes

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

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I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

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A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

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ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG Give me freedom Give me fire Give me contract Or I retire Jog all day Out of UCL now FC Barcelona I need you now Villarreal defenders They surround me Big submarines All around me I get upset Call my agent I want money I’m impatient

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i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days

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I was about to change my password to fire-fist ace… but apparently it was too weak.

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What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

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I got a job at a library once, i got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

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What do you call a retard in a house fire? Flame Retardant

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I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he’s a really deep sleeper.

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whats the difference between a bear with a gun and an American Man with a gun? The bear has common sense not to fire it

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You’re the type of person to play girl on fire during a funeral

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What do you call Stephen HAawking on fire Hot wheels

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When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

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What do you call an emo kid playing with fire? Forgot to clean little piece of dust.

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