One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. ‘Why are you early, it is not even christmas?’ ho, ho. Don’t worry about me. Lets worry about you instead’ says Santa. What is the problem my friend?’ I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house." Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i’ll give it to you-" Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“f@ck THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”
I can’t believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean… All I did was take a day off!
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN’S ON FIRE
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
What’s the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don’t set the skeleton on fire.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor…
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail? A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the world trade center.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
I pushed a kid on a wheelchair into the school fire and said “hot wheels”
Why did the man put himself on fire? To BURN Calories.
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