I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
I was told to burn calories so I threw your mom in the fire.
What’s the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don’t set the skeleton on fire.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…
There are some sounds that everyone loves… Shoes on gravel Crackling of fire The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you Cats purring
I was about to change my password to fire-fist ace… but apparently it was too weak.
What do you call a red neck on fire. A fire cracker
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red, HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN’S ON FIRE
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? – Steven Hawking after a house fire.
a man got fired from the first coin factory. he exclaimed “no! this is the only thing thats ever made cents!!”
On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
I can’t believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean… All I did was take a day off!
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