Q: Why did the chef get fired? A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead. 4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Are you the Lusitania cos i wanna fire a torpedo into you
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes
Father : I don’t trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter’s belly,. Son : But Paah you can’t fire me. Father: You’re lucky you’re my brother too or I’d kill you.
whats the difference between a bear with a gun and an American Man with a gun? The bear has common sense not to fire it
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. ‘Why are you early, it is not even christmas?’ ho, ho. Don’t worry about me. Lets worry about you instead’ says Santa. What is the problem my friend?’ I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house." Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i’ll give it to you-" Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I can’t believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean… All I did was take a day off!
I was told to burn calories so I threw your mom in the fire.
Why Was The Blonde Fired From The M&M Factory? For Throwing Out the W’s A missionary was caught by cannibals. we was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, “You can’t stew me. I’m a friar.”
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