wood fired pizza how would pizza get a job now
my friend was in a wheel chair so i rolled him in fire now i call him hot wheels
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he’s a really deep sleeper.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
Why did the man put himself on fire? To BURN Calories.
School was fun but it was hard almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom? A. They guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
I was told to burn calories so I threw your mom in the fire.
i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
I got a job at a library once, i got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor
I love fire. My friends love it too. When i set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin
I pushed a kid on a wheelchair into the school fire and said “hot wheels”
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? – He took a day off. Commander: "Fire a warning shot" Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher" Commander: "potato, potato, just fire" Soldier: fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school Commander: “They’re trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!”
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