When a 68 year old teacher says: I am going to tackle an intruder if i have to! Me: Oh hell nah
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them
3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.
Bick: Jesus isn’t real. Ron: Yes he is. Bick: Prove it, bitch. Ron: Cussing is a in. Open the curtains. Bick: Wh- Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT. The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell. Ron: f@ck you, Jesus. Bick: Told you Jesus was real. Satan: Get to work, slaves. Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
Why is Steven Hawkins going to hell… because its a stairway to heaven not a ramp!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, “Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?”
How do you make holy water? You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.
So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me????
A kid gets home from school and find his mom and dad having sex, the kid asks “what are you doing dad” the dad replies “having sex with your mom son” and he starts laughing The next day dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan, the dad shouts “what the hell are you doing son” the kid replies " it’s not funny when it’s your mom is it"
Why can’t heaven and hell ever be one 2nd paradise? Heaven always has 5 star reviews.
So… here’s da scoop, alright… licks KFC off lips so, I was caught, having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean? I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: “Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?” Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me? But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13! Alas, I’m writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I’ll be writing jokes from hell from now on.
Kobe never missed a shot but he missed the helipad I’m going to hell!!!
How did hellen Keller know she went to hell? SHE DIDNT
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