my best opinion: when life goes to hell you just go down with it
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
When a 68 year old teacher says: I am going to tackle an intruder if i have to! Me: Oh hell nah
How do angels ?? make holy water ??? They boil the hell out of it.
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He bought a home on a small piece of land. The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these ‘Chinese customs’,
what did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast his left sholder
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust ring in hell-
Hell in Greek Times was known as cold and misty… so now just look at Seattle.
What’s Steven Hawkins favorite song? Highway to hell because it’s a staircase to heaven.
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite. And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to the they get orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted “Get him back in the ship!” to the Communications operator. “Chill out, he’ll be fine.” The Pilot assured him. “Get him the hell out of there, that’s an order!” The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked “Now what?”
The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed. Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today
What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you.
So… here’s da scoop, alright… licks KFC off lips so, I was caught, having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean? I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: “Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?” Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me? But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13! Alas, I’m writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I’ll be writing jokes from hell from now on.
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