Hell jokes

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3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

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Why did Steven Hawking go to hell not heaven Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell

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Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.

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A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

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My version of the Roses are red Poem in MW3: I thought Soap could trust you And so did I too So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!

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A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, “Can I touch it?”. The little boy looks back at her and says, “Hell no, you already broke yours off!”.

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ahem… if somebody you dont like, or somebody random just calls you in general, answer the phone with this Hello thank you for choosing mamas pizzeria/ abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce how may i help you? or hello this is davids orphanage you make them we take them how may i help you? some people reactions are priceless and then the wonder about you mental health

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Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins he has all power but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea that’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different. Our lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven the promise land only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our lord. This is your choice believe and go to Heaven or don’t believe and go to Hell a eternal death make a choice.

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Jaylie ??: I don’t care, what he said was so out of line! Harvey ??: It’s funny! Jaylie?? : He said “Stupid, silly bitch face I raised! I should have known!” That’s not funny, harv! Harvey ??: Come on Jay. Give Chris a chance? Jaylie ??: Sorry but I’m a stupid, silly bitch face he raised. He should have known! Harvey??: That’s not true! Jaylie ??: He even made fun of Kalierien. She is so sensitive! Harvey ??: SHUSH!!! Kalierien??: Hi guys hows your day? Harvey??: Good! Jaylie ??: Mine was like living in hell! Kalierien: ??SAME!!!

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