Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Who reads the fastest? The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers, He took out 83 stories in one go.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says “my brother has just been hit by a car.” The policeman replied with “OK then first I need to know your name.” “Shut up” “No, I need to know your name.” “Shut up. ” “Excuse me but where are your manners.” “Round the corner picking up shit.”
twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope i’ll get hit by a car. am not dead yet, i hope i’ll die. I hope i’ll born to a new hole life.
any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery
I hit a ball with a bat it was called animal abuse
Why did the kid drop his icecream? He got hit by a bus.
making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC’s so he goes home and ask his mom who’s cooking “Whats the first letter of the ABC’s?” he ask and his mom responds with “SHUT UP… I’M COOKING!” so then he walks to sister who’s signing in the shower and asks her “Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC’s?” she responds with “I’m ready
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.
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