What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather? the feather. the rope stopped the kid
I’d Hit You But I Don’t Wanna Go To Jail For Animal Abuse.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
Why was I stress eating on the train track? To wait to get hit.
I was hit on by president kennedy, too bad i shot him down
Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam. What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
Why don’t orphans get offended by dark humour jokes? It can’t hit home.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself… #victoryroyale
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus.
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