When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself… #victoryroyale
Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Why didn’t Sally get home from work. She got hit by a bus
If you ever get Mad, just hit an orphan What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree what happens when he hits the ground? Nothin much he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope
Who reads the fastest? The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers, He took out 83 stories in one go.
When two wheel chairs hit each other is it a fender bender
Why did Joey drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck. (Don’t worry, the truck was fine.)
Why done orphans get offended by dark humor? It doesn’t hit home
Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA
Why was I stress eating on the train track? To wait to get hit.
What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
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