Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting ‘Remind me later’ on his Windows Updates. When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery
What is stronger than family. The tree Paul Walker hit
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.
What’s worse than depression & suicide? Easy : LIVING Everyday you wish you were dead but than reality hits u in the face that your still alive and has to suffer living Pretend or not pretend we have to decide everyday even if we don’t pretend no onw will notice :) no one ever does :) Living is the problem to everything we get depression cuz of it and so much why can’t we just die :) ?
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
Girls are like blackjack you shoot for 21 but I keep hitting 14
Depression hits harder than my dad
Student: a plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left? Teacher: 203 Student: how do you put an elephant in the fridge? Teacher: You can’t Student: yes you can, open fridge door put elephant in. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Teacher: open door put in giraffe? Student: no, take out elephant put in giraffe. The lion king is having a party, who isn’t there? Teacher: let me guess, the lion Student: no the giraffe, he’s stuck in a fridge. Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how? Teacher: she stepped on the alligators? Student: no the alligators are at the party, Sally dies anyway, how? Teacher: she frowned? Student: no, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam. What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff. But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?’ ""Yes madam…My daddy told me a story about my Mom " “OK, let’s hear” said the teacher. “My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit”. “She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife”. “She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.” Pin drop silence in the class !! ""Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ? ” “Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk```…!!!”
RUS | ENG
