The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed
I hit a ball with a bat it was called animal abuse
Who reads the fastest? The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers, He took out 83 stories in one go.
What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first? The apple because the emo kid got caught by the rope
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
I lost my drivers license today i hit my ex with my car
A dad told his son never to hit girls so the sun repeid i promis. When the sun got older he was doing the dirty with "a girl " and the girl sais spank me daddy… and the sons repsonds my dad said never to hit a girl. and the “girl” takes of the wig and its his dad and the dad said good job son!.. Son:… um
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack I always hit on 16, the get busted
Depression hits harder than my dad
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.
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