Hope jokes

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said we will never forget 911. I thought i should hope not its your phone number.

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me and my suicidal friend are close, so i took him to the mall to treat him. we bought snacks, a new controller for his xbox and a led lights for him room to hopefully brighten his mood. after we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

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I hope you see this plugin, but if your listing to this I really want to give you a little more…

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Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you’ll never forget! ( Btw I never actually did this irl yet) So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you’ll be sleeping.

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People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids. I don’t think that’s a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

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Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch? He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

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One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer…but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out. “I’m so sorry,” he declared! “I don’t know what came over me, and realize I shouldn’t have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way…what did the chicken do?” ????

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i told my friend to watch naruto, it’s been a week since i’ve seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece

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When I was a kid, my hamster died so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn’t notice. It didn’t matter anyway, since I beat that one to death too

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