Life jokes

Life’s too short to want it.

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What’s the difference between a knife and my life?

A knife has a point.

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Im not suicidal im just speedrunning life

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People say that life is short I say… Life is the longest thing we ever do

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Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.

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You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end

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All you need is a Razor Blade in life.

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You looking for jokes? i have one, your life

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When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes.

But joke time…

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life… it’s not you … it’s me!!!

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Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

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Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

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Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

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When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology! ” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

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I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better…

But now I don’t know what to do with the letters.

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Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises

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