And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor… Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
What do you do when life gives you lemons Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist.??????
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better… But now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
it says enter a joke, but I can’t enter my life.
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
what makes a nuke and divorce the same? it only takes one of each to end your life.
life’s too short to want it.
And the Lord said onto John, “Come forth to receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
What do you call a single bisexual? All bi myself.
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
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