If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone. When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up. If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I dont think he really gave a dam about it at all.
twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope i’ll get hit by a car. am not dead yet, i hope i’ll die. I hope i’ll born to a new hole life.
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words… “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance… only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours… lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
My mom trying to get me to do dishes Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes. Me: Why did you? Mom: I was very drunk… Explains a lot…
The twin towers was basically angry birds but in real life
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born whats sad and has no life . the person reding this
My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered “Happy”. The teacher said I didn’t understand the test, I said to her that she didn’t understand life
And the Lord said onto John, “Come forth to receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him. They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
what makes a nuke and divorce the same? it only takes one of each to end your life.
I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning
A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.
RUS | ENG
