Friend 1: What’s the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me repeating a year. Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you? Then there is me: My life.
There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”
All you need is a Razor Blade in life.
whats the difference between life and death…life hurts
How do you know when an orphan is lying. When they say I swear on my mother’s life
Remember kids, when you’re angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they’ll really be living the hard knock life.
Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.
What do you call a single bisexual? All bi myself.
what makes a nuke and divorce the same? it only takes one of each to end your life.
My mom trying to get me to do dishes Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes. Me: Why did you? Mom: I was very drunk… Explains a lot…
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better… But now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Thankfully I’m still alive because I fail at everything in life.
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