What’s My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa? His life insurance…
What did Earth say to the other planets? – “You guys have no life!”
why cant the orphan play the game of life? they dont know what a family road trip is. ??
Thankfully I’m still alive because I fail at everything in life.
Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
What’s a depressed person’s least favorite type of cereal??? LIFE
my happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my h.i.v test w/out studying
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises
If being ugly was a crime u would get a life sentence
My mom trying to get me to do dishes Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes. Me: Why did you? Mom: I was very drunk… Explains a lot…
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a f@cking oven
RUS | ENG
