The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant. … I guess her rubber broke too
I’m so excited for Christmas Pudding… Pudding these nuts in your mouth
was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,“If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?” %%“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I asked. “No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said…“I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.” “Will you spend this on hunting equipment?” I asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t gone hunting in 20 years!” “Well,” I said, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.” The homeless man was astounded. "Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I replied, “Don’t worry about that. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting.” Not a joke but still dc
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
They say during sex you burn offas many calories as running 8 miles. Who the f@ck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds
I have big balls said the kid holding to soccer balls
What is smagma name
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says hes gay- he can’t be tho… he’s allergic to nuts!
have you seen the xbox game sea of thieves?sea if these nuts fit on yo mouth
My puns drive people nuts, this is usually when I bolt away
Me: Do you like smash? Friend: Smash Rolls? Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS! Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)
have you heard of the… uh Pokemon called uh rhy… rhy rhydon deez nuts
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer you won’t understand it.)
What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Would you rather date me or I lady I laid deez nuts in your mouth
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