Nut jokes

2 nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted! What’s A Squirrels Favourite OTT? Nut-Flix

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What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

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My puns drive people nuts, this is usually when I bolt away

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If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?

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was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,“If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?” %%“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I asked. “No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said…“I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.” “Will you spend this on hunting equipment?” I asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t gone hunting in 20 years!” “Well,” I said, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.” The homeless man was astounded. "Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I replied, “Don’t worry about that. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting.” Not a joke but still dc

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Why did the squirrel do the backstroke? He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

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What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He’s a d!ck.

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How do you get a squirrel down from a tree? You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

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why did the hooker quit her job? she had a nut allergy

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