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Have you heard of the new sequel to “the exorcist”? A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? - Because they can’t run.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les.
Father O’Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. “Ah Mary Agnes, congratulations!” She gave him a puzzled look. “on what?” “Your mother tells me you’ve been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it’s a miracle.” Mary Agnes sighed. “My mother needs to get hearing aids if she’s going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it’ll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I’m f@cking is a St. Bernard.”
What is a priests favorite song? – Magic flute in A minor
What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law
Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest? Father les.
Whats similar between a priest and McDonalds? They both shove their meat inbetween 10 year old buns
What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they’d given to their elderly mum. ‘I built a big house for our mum,’ said the first. ‘I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,’ said the second. And the third smiled and said, ‘I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren’t so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.’ A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son, ‘The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.’ To the second son she said, ‘I’m far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I’ve hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.’ To the third son she wrote ‘Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!’
I hated church growing up as a child, it was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
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