Priest jokes

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

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What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

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What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

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3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with, " i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, “oh sh*t…”

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What’s the difference between a drill and a priest? Nothing they both like screwing stuff!

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A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel and when all the sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says father what is that? He says this sister is the wand of life. The nun says good, now go stick it in that camels ass and let’s get the hell outa here!

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What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.

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What do a girl and a bar have in common? A- Liquor in the front poker in the back!!

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What is the difference between a Priest and a Doctor The Doctor doesn’t like to give physicals.

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Say all you want about priests but at least they drive slowly in school zones On a hot summers day a famous celebrity tweeted " it is a beautiful day and I`m deciding which kid to have fun with today" to which the local priest replied " I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today".

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Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

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What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

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