Priest jokes

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What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

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What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

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The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already! A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Any last requests? ” “Yes,” replied the murderer, “Will you please hold my hand?”

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Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“f@ck THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”

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What’s a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds? They are all locked in the Priest’s basement.

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How do you get a nun pregnant? – Dress her up as an alter boy.

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What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common? They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

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Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? - Because they can’t run.

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