Priest jokes

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What is a priests favorite song? – Magic flute in A minor

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What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

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Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.

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Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they’d given to their elderly mum. ‘I built a big house for our mum,’ said the first. ‘I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,’ said the second. And the third smiled and said, ‘I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren’t so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.’ A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son, ‘The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.’ To the second son she said, ‘I’m far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I’ve hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.’ To the third son she wrote ‘Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!’

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Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids? To tie his kangaroo down sport

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Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

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What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

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So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

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Have you heard of the new sequel to “the exorcist”? A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

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What’s a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds? They are all locked in the Priest’s basement.

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What is the difference between a Priest and a Doctor The Doctor doesn’t like to give physicals.

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