What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
What’s the difference between a drill and a priest? Nothing they both like screwing stuff!
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f@ck the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time
Say all you want about priests but at least they drive slowly in school zones On a hot summers day a famous celebrity tweeted " it is a beautiful day and I`m deciding which kid to have fun with today" to which the local priest replied " I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today".
Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says " Follow me. " The man walks into the bar and the bartender says “Jesus Christ your back!”
What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common? They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What’s the difference between a priest and target? Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him “What are you doing?!” Exclaims the priest “There is nothing on this Earth for me.” The Muslim says “I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!” The priest shakes his head “Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way! ” He says “Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school.”
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead. Matt, “Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife” Priest, “how so?” Matt, “We were together naked, but we didn’t do anything just rubbed each other, that’s all” Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box" Matt, “okay i promise not to see her again” Then Matt walks out the door Priest, “Hey I saw you! you didn’t put any money in the donation box!!” Matt, “Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in”
What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bar tender says “Hey Jim!”
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common - They both like fairies sitting on them.
The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already! A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Any last requests? ” “Yes,” replied the murderer, “Will you please hold my hand?”
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