Priest jokes

A priest is drowning in a river… A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says “leave me alone, god will save me.” The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn’t you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn’t take them! "

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What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

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What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

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What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest? Father les.

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Two priests are in a bar one says to the other priest Ill swap you 2 5 for a 10

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What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les.

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I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you masturbate”. I said, “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”

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Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.

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A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f@ck the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time

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What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

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Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

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What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

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What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common? Little boys pants half off.

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I hated church growing up as a child, it was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy

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