Priest jokes

Say all you want about priests but at least they drive slowly in school zones On a hot summers day a famous celebrity tweeted " it is a beautiful day and I`m deciding which kid to have fun with today" to which the local priest replied " I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today".

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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy

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Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

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What do a girl and a bar have in common? A- Liquor in the front poker in the back!!

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What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

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What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common - They both like fairies sitting on them.

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There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead. Matt, “Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife” Priest, “how so?” Matt, “We were together naked, but we didn’t do anything just rubbed each other, that’s all” Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box" Matt, “okay i promise not to see her again” Then Matt walks out the door Priest, “Hey I saw you! you didn’t put any money in the donation box!!” Matt, “Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in”

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What do you call a catholic priest who molests children? A catholic priest

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What is different about priests and acne. Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face

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A priest walks into a wine store "Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: “I said what I said.”

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What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law

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What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common? They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

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A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bar tender says “Hey Jim!”

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What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest? Father les.

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