Priest jokes

Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.

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They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible: Thou shalt not f… altar boys

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Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest? They both came in a little behind.

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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

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What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest

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What’s the difference between a priest and a rabbi, the rabbi cuts it off the the priest sucks it off

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Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

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What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

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What is a priests favorite song? – Magic flute in A minor

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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy

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Why is that kid walking like that?, Oh, he’s an alter boy

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I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you masturbate”. I said, “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”

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What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? - they both start at 12.

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One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens! !!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.

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How come I have a father but not a dad? He was a priest.

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